What are you running from?
by puppetxlove
Summary: Tai is young, but you can see in her eyes that she's lived through more pain than most adults. When Raidyn Black, Jacob and Nessie's son, finds her alone on a beach, he imprints. But what if Tai's heart is broken beyond repair? Suck at summs, read please!
1. My Sky

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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My Sky

I'd been walking for at least a week. My bare feet had been rubbed raw, irritating blisters embellishing them. Of course it hurt, but nothing could compare to the memories that clawed cruelly at my heart. I tried my hardest to keep them locked away, but my wall was weak, crumbling slowly. Right when I needed it the most, it was falling down. Ironic, wasn't it? The only thing I manage to keep at bay constantly was the fear. The sorrow, though, was clear as day in my head. I knew anyone who saw me would see it in my eyes.

I wasn't crying, though. Tears had streamed down my face continuously on the first day, but now it seemed I was all dried up. A part of me wished I could break down and sob, but it wouldn't help any. It would simply tear open the slowly healing gashes, which would hurt more than any broken arm or leg. And I wasn't sure that I could take any more pain.

So I kept walking, focusing on placing one foot in front of the other. In my condition, it was much harder than it appeared. I was hardly eating, not that I could keep anything down anyways. Even the thought of food disgusted me. How could I think of something as trivial as hunger when I was so broken? I couldn't. I had more important things on my mind than that.

One being, where was I to go? I couldn't turn back, not now. No matter how much I longed to see the faces of the ones I loved, I knew it was impossibility. I carefully placed the images of them behind my wall, praying that they would stay there for longer than they had last time. Each time I slipped up, releasing them into my line of sight, another mangled piece of my heart was shredded in half. Shuddering, I looked above me, the sun glaring down with a fierce intensity. The blue of the sky was as beautiful as always, as if it didn't even notice me walking below it, dotted by a few wispy clouds that traveled quickly. I would have smiled at them, but I was too far gone to do that.

I would have to completely start from scratch, wherever I ended up. Make every detail about my past up. It was hard for me to lie, but when it was necessary, I was pretty damn good at it. Something about the way I could manipulate my expression made people believe me. Like right now, though I was being tortured by my own memories, my face was serenely calm. My eyes, though, were much harder to squeeze the emotion out of. They displayed most things like an open book, but when I wanted to, I could make the pages blank. It seemed pointless at the moment, to waste so much of my energy when no one was even around.

I heard a sigh escape my lips, and it startled me. My voice was strange to me. In the long week that it had been neglected, I'd grown unused to it. A fancy car approached, slowly the people inside of it staring at me curiously. _I must look a mess_, I thought, groaning inwardly. Like they were driving past a car wreck, I could tell they yearned to look away, to speed hastily into the distance, but they didn't. Instead, they inched forward so sluggishly that I could keep pace without trying.

Finally, after too long, they stopped. The man who was driving rolled his window down hesitantly, looking at me like I was some kind of stray dog. I paused, my steady pace faltering, and tripped. Of course. Making an ass of myself in front of strangers was my specialty. They didn't try to help me, but concern glowed within the man's strangely colored eyes. I got up, and stood with my arms crossed, glaring right back at them. "Are you alright?" His voice was silky smooth. I scowled, wondering how I could reply to _that._ The pain was briefly soothed by the distraction, but I knew once they were gone it would come back immediately, so the frown still played across my lips.

"Do I look like I'm alright?" I answered obscurely in attempt to make them give up and leave me to wallow. Not that I wanted to be miserable, but it was the only option. Momentarily wondering how utterly dirty I looked, I looked at myself in the reflection of the car. I almost laughed at the girl who stared back at me. She was slightly sunburned, which was unavoidable in this horrid heat, and her clothes hung limply against her looking quite sun-bleached. Her face was smudged with dirt, her hair wild. Her eyes, though, made me want to cry. I had been right. Every single bit of sadness could be seen within them. I had to choke back a sob as I looked back up into the man's gold eyes.

"Umm.." It was obvious he couldn't think of an answer. Though my question had been strictly yes, or no, it wasn't easy to think of something to say to it. "Not exactly." He paused reluctantly, conflict and sympathy splayed across his face. Maybe he should practice controlling his own expressions. It would most likely help him in the future.

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me, you know." I said easily, still glaring at him. I was slightly grateful though, as he was the only person who'd stopped. This man had a good heart, and I almost felt guilty for treating him like I was. His golden eyes looked hurt, though I was sure he couldn't care less about what some girl on the side of the road said. I wondered what was bothering him. I let myself take in the rest of him; his reddish blonde hair glinted in the sunlight. He was abnormally pale as well, even more so than I was. That was an accomplishment.

"I know." He murmured, almost half to himself. "But I do." He stared at me for another minute or so before saying, "What happened to you?" The woman sitting next to him gasped, and I looked over to her. She was as pale as he was, her wavy brown hair settling on her shoulders. Her eyes, the same exact color as his, were looking at the back of his head questioningly.

"I'd rather not talk about it," The memories were still locked carefully away, and even with the subject being brought up, stayed there. I realized that I was getting stronger, the wall building gradually higher up in my head. He sighed almost longingly, and turned to the woman to whisper something I couldn't quite hear. She only nodded, and got out of the car. "Great." I muttered to myself, so low that I thought only I could hear. The man's chuckle told me otherwise, though. I ignored him. "What are you doing? I told you, I don't want any help." That was a complete lie. Help was probably third on my list of what I wanted the most in the entire world. First, of course, was wishing I could go back a month in time, and second was… my eyes burned as I made sure the wall was holding steady. I was definitely getting stronger.

The man's expression turned thoughtful as he opened his door too. He paused to grab the woman's elbow, almost as if to steady her, before walking towards me. They looked about the same age, maybe seventeen or eighteen, but from the way they acted you'd think they were a married couple. How strange. The man began to smile again, though I had said nothing funny. This was starting to get annoying. "You said you didn't want our sympathy. You said nothing about our help." He didn't stop walking until he was so close to me I should have felt heat radiating off of his skin. I didn't, though, oddly enough. "I'm Edward, by the way, and this is Bella." The way he held onto her looked almost protective, like a lion would be to its cubs. It reminded her of... She shook the thought away, and stood as tall as she could, attempting to appear strong. "So, do you need a ride or something?"

Just as I was about to refuse, two other people got out of the car. One was a tiny girl, thin as a toothpick. She almost looked like a fairy from a children's story, minus the wings. Her short, dark hair was chin-length, and spiky at the edge. Compared to other people, she was very interesting. Out of the ordinary. The other followed shortly behind her. She had a child-like quality about her, though she looked older than me. Her brown eyes stared widely at me, and I realized that she looked remarkably like Edward and Bella, though they looked the same age. How strange. Maybe they were siblings. "Hi, I'm Alice!" The pixie-like one said, and pointed behind her to the other, "And this is Nessie!" The smile that stretched across her face was so wide it was frightening. How were her cheeks not bursting? The second merely acknowledged me with a nod, her eyes narrow. Had I offended her in some way? "And of course you need a ride. I know it." She got a sharp elbow in the ribs at this from the one called Nessie, but she didn't even seem to notice. She was in some sort of trance. Suddenly, as if waking up, she jolted back the present and said, "Do you happen to like the ocean?"

I didn't hesitate to answer, "Yeah." The ocean was probably my favorite thing in the entire world, aside from... Well, it was in my top five. The bubbly Alice smiled at this, and pointed to the horizon, still grinning. I wondered what she meant, but before she could continue, Edward opened his mouth to speak.

"There's a beach not far from here, would you like us to take you there? It's much safer than being on the side of the road." I noticed him turn his head the side as if he were shaking his head, and wondered why. He seemed to think no one had seen, though, so I disregarded it. Another smile stretched across his face, only to disappear shortly afterwards. I grimaced. This guy had serious mood swings, it seemed.

"Well, I don't exactly have anywhere else to go." I thought aloud, still frowning, "So why not?" Nessie glared at me when I agreed, and I shuddered. Maybe I should have said no. It was too late now, though, so I followed as the rest of them got into the car, squeezing between Alice and Nessie. "Umm, sorry to cause you guys so much trouble.. I could walk, if you wanted."

Alice shook her head quickly, grabbing my hand. She felt like stone, cold and hard, but I didn't mention it. She could have been sensitive about it, and I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. "No! It's no trouble at all. We're glad to have you." It was strange for her to be so excited. She didn't even know me. Edward started to laugh. "What?" She glared at him. His head bent downwards in another attempt at a subtle nod, but I caught it. What was he replying to? No one had said anything.

He grimaced sourly, and I sighed. This definitely wasn't doing me any good. If I kept trying to decipher these strange people, I was going to give myself a brain hemorrhage. People I didn't know weren't worth it. I sighed, letting my head rest against the seat and closing my eyes. Walking all day in the sun was exhausting. I let my breathing even out, and I thought I was asleep when I heard them start talking in low voices.

"What do you mean a 'wall'?" Alice asked, her voice sounding rushed.

"I'm not sure, actually. When I tried to sift through her mind to see what she was running from, I came up with nothing." Edward paused before continuing, "No, I can hear her thoughts. They're actually quite loud," He chuckled, "But it's like she's locked up things that she doesn't want anyone to see, including herself."

"So she's not like me?" Bella sounded disappointed.

"No, sorry love. She's just abnormally good at hiding things." He replied.

"I wish I could see the past right now. She's making me curious." Alice huffed.

"Me too. She's the most unusual mind I've come across since Bella." I could hear the smile in his voice, and a light thwack of a rock hitting another rock.

"So you can't see her future either?" A voice that I hadn't heard asked. It was Nessie.

"It's blurry." Alice said curtly, as if she was suddenly trying to focus. She sighed, and said, "It must have something to do with the werewolves. And I can see you in there too." I felt Nessie stiffen beside me. "You seem happy, Nessie, try not to read into it too much, alright? I'm sure it has nothing to do with your Jacob."

"Fine." She said quietly.

"You both are so lucky! I want to know something about her. She's so… different." Bella muttered, and I could feel eyes upon me.

"She's very observant, just like you. She notices when I reply to people's thoughts with my little nods. And she hasn't thought a single thing about how beautiful we are. It's absolutely strange." They were beautiful? I hadn't given a thought to their appearances. "I can tell she's in pain, both physical and emotional, but I can't seem to decipher what she's been through. It could possibly drive me mad." His voice was softer towards the end, and I could feel another pair of eyes on me.

"She doesn't think we're beautiful?" Alice sounded upset. Edward laughed.

"No, it's not that. She doesn't seem to notice how people look. The only thing she's thought about was our eyes, and how they're a strange color. Aside from Nessie, that is." He said matter-of-factly. Was I dreaming? If I was, it was a very odd dream.

"I want to know how she's involved with me." Nessie demanded suddenly.

"I don't know! I'm sorry. I see you smiling, and I can kind of see your son in there somewhere.. but you know I can't see werewolves, no matter how hard I try. And you're kind of deeply tied with them, if you know what I mean." Alice was frustrated, and I was confused. Suddenly I heard Edward gasp.

"Shh." He said quietly, "She can hear us right now. I should have been paying more attention," His voice was so soft that I could hardly hear it. The whole car suddenly went silent, and I decided I must have been dreaming. After all, there was talk of werewolves, and reading minds, and my future. It couldn't have been real.

I stopped thinking about it, and before I knew it, my eyes were opening. It was strangely dark, and I could instantly tell that I was alone. Suddenly, there was a tapping sound beside me. I sat up with a jolt, hitting my head on the ceiling of a car. Where was I? Memories flooded back to me. I'd been offered a ride to the beach. After a long moment, I turned and opened the door. It was raining, and my brain gave a mental cheer.

It took a while for me to realize that it was Nessie standing in front of me, and the others were no where in sight. "Umm." I said, looking up at her.

"You wanted to go to the beach, here we are. Could you get out please? I have to get home." She said tiredly, glancing around. I stepped out of the car instantly, feeling bad that I'd annoyed her.

"Alright… Bye." I muttered as I stumbled towards the sand. When I looked up, the car was gone. _Oh, well._ I thought, almost sadly. Those people may have been incredibly strange, but they were the only ones who had offered me help. Momentarily, I forgot what I needed help with. It crashed down on me suddenly, though, my head soaring. I had left them, all of them. I could almost hear my heart breaking.

Finally I was able to continue, and I put one foot in front of the other, as I had before. It was getting easier. The rain seemed to awaken a new sadness within me, and I started to cry. Maybe it had washed away the dryness or something. Whatever the reason, I was grateful. I needed a good cry, and what better place than in the rain?

My arms spread out wide as I reached the edge of the water, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I smiled. The sea was the only thing that could make everything feel better, no matter what. Though I was still crying, I couldn't stop grinning. Like it was raining on a sunny day. A laugh escaped my lips as I twirled, nearly losing my balance. I suddenly felt like I belonged.

My face fell as I realized that I was, in fact, not alone. I must look like an idiot. I turned my head towards the person who was intruding on my unrecognizable happiness, and saw him standing there, staring at me. Had I really been acting _that_ stupid? My arms fell to my side lifelessly as I stared right back at him. From here, he looked about seven feet tall and more muscular than any man I'd seen in my entire life. He seemed to be about twenty five, maybe a little younger, but like Nessie, he had a childish air about him, like he had a young heart.

Sighing, my good mood slightly ruined, I turned to walk away. I heard a booming voice call out, "Wait!" though, and stopped in my tracks. What did this guy want from me? He'd already seen me look like a two year old, could he honestly want to talk? That couldn't be it. He probably wanted to make fun of me. I grimaced, pivoting myself to face him once more, my eyes narrow.

He was running towards me at an abnormally fast pace, not surprising considering his muscle-mass. I turned again, almost panicking, but felt his arm on my shoulder to stop me. I flinched away. The feeling was all too familiar, and I didn't want my wall to fall down. Turning slowly, I looked him square in the face. "I can punch pretty hard. I wouldn't come any closer if I were you." He only laughed in reply, shaking with the force of it. I frowned. Of course I'd made myself look like even more of an ass.

"Don't worry, I don't bite." He said, walking a little closer, almost cautiously. I repressed a chuckle. "I'm Raidyn. Raidyn Black." Looking at me expectantly, I tried to decide whether to give my real name or not. "…And you are?" He added, wondering if I could take a hint. Could I be any more stupid than I was right now?

"I'm Tai." I said reluctantly, "Just Tai." I frowned at the thought of my last name. What was I supposed to go by, if the real one made my heart break apart into a million pieces? Suddenly, I realized that I was still crying. Embarrassed, I wiped the tears away.

"Are you okay?" God, too many people had asked me that today. I just wanted to be left alone.

"Yeah, just dandy." I mumbled sarcastically, looking away from his intense stare. He didn't laugh.

"You look cold, come on. You can come back to my house." He breathed, not touching me. He had obviously learned from his mistake.

"Listen, I really don't need any help." That was more or less the truth. I did desperately want it, though. He frowned at this, and the hurt that shone within his eyes was so intense it made me shiver. In fact, it reminded me of my own reflection in the car, with the sorrow glittering in my eyes. I felt immediately guilty. "Okay, fine. Just until the rain stops." I added, hoping it would make him happy.

And strangely enough, it did. His eyes lit up, and his smile grew wide. "Great!" He exclaimed, obviously extremely excited. I hadn't seen someone so ecstatic to be with me since I left my family. Another piece of my heart shattered, and I gasped for air, my knees buckling. As I stopped in my tracks, Raidyn turned back, concern and fear glowing within him. He reached out towards me, and I tried took a step back away from him. That would only make it worse.

"No, no. I'm fine. Let's go." I breathed deeply, trying to regain my control. This was much harder than it looked. Tears continued to stream down my face as I followed behind the large man, blindly trusting him. Somewhere deep within me, I knew it was a stupid thing to do, as he could have been thinking horrible things, but I was exhausted, starving, and dehydrated. My brain wasn't exactly having a great day. And for some reason, I felt like I could trust this guy. Maybe not with my past, but I didn't find trailing after him a bad idea. After all, what's the worst he could do, hurt me? I was already shattered beyond repair. Kill me? My life didn't seem very precious to me at present. Lock me up? I'd welcome the solitude. I had nothing to lose anymore. He looked back at me and gave me a comforting smile, slowing to walk beside me. Warmth radiated off of him, as if he had a deadly fever, but he didn't seem sick at all.

This was one of the weirdest days of my life.

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**This story is sort of a branch off a different story I _was_ doing, but it didn't really have anything to do with Twilight so I stopped, and wrote much further into the future. : **

**So if you want to see a bit of Tai's past, go check out 'my world is raining'. And if you like it, tell me so I can continue.**

**Any questions? Comments? Review please! I'd love it if I got at least one review before I posted, but I'm writing this for my own fun, so it's not necessary.**

**Thanks for reading!**

--_megg,_


	2. Nessie?

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilightt.**

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For the most part, we walked in silence. I was too focused on keeping my wall up to notice how awkward it must have been for him, but he didn't try to break my trance. I appreciated that. Luckily, it was holding steady for now. I knew if I caught a glimpse of something that brought back memories it would come crumbling down, so I childishly squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn't let myself break down, not here, not now. This guy was being incredibly kind, and I knew he could drop me without a second thought and I'd be left with nothing, once again. That may have been too much for me to handle.

Not that I didn't like being alone. In fact, I probably liked it more than being around other people. It gave me room to think. My mind could clear when I didn't have to hear annoying voices around me. Unfortunately, I had to carefully avoid certain things in my head, so thinking was definitely not an option. I needed the distraction of a crowd, or at least another person, now more than I ever had before. It was for that reason that I was grateful for Raidyn Black's company.

I felt the warmth as he reached out and touched my arm as gently as he could, pulling it away slowly when I jumped almost two feet to the side. I must have seemed so strange. Why was he still taking me to his house? Sighing, I let my tense body relax, and turned to face him. "Yeah?" I croaked, my voice cracking. I hadn't used it much, beside the strange encounter with the gold-eyed people in the car, so it wasn't suprising that it sounded forced. In addition to that, I was probably dehydrated, which would make me sound even hoarser.

He half smiled, undiscreetly trying to make me feel comfortable. I would have returned the gesture, but my lips felt frozen. Even if I did manage it, it would look pathetic with my miserable eyes. I was doing a pretty good job of keeping the emotion off of my face, though ot was a waste of energy to try to change the open book that was my eyes. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "We're almost there." I simply nodded, not wanting to embarrass myself with my scratchy voice. After a few moments, he added, "My parents shouldn't be home, so that won't be a problem…" His _parents?_ He looked at least twenty. What twenty year old in his right mind would live with his parents? And this guy wasn't exactly bad looking either. Just then, he made sharp left onto a narrow road, snapping me out of my daydream.

I frowned, realizing that I hadn't noticed our surroundings at all. We were in what looked like a small town. A few buildings lay behind us, soaked by the pouring rain, and in front of us were a few houses, maybe a neighborhood. They were pretty spread out, probably an acre or two on each plot, so this must have been a driveway that we were walking on. To his house… when his parents weren't home. I stopped in my tracks, grimacing. What if he thought this was something different? I wouldn't be able to handle that. Maybe I should turn around now, keep walking. It wouldn't be so hard, thinking about other things. And a few panic attacks on the side of the road never hurt anyone, right? He turned back to me with a worried expression, so I decided to keep walking. This guy didn't seem like he had any… suspicious intent.

My steps were wary and slow. Raidyn seemed to notice, and matched his pace with mine, glancing at me every once and a while to make sure I was okay. The last thing I wanted was another person looking at me like I could fall apart at any moment. Then again, in this case maybe he wasn't so off. I took in a large breathe and held it for a moment, trying to determine what was in the air here. Salt, of course, from the ocean. It smelled like rain, sort of musky, and there was something else… but I couldn't make out what it was exactly. Maybe the type of tree that grew around here or something.

My toe hit a step and I let out a yelp, but didn't stop moving. Maybe I should have been paying more attention, as we'd already reached his front steps. Suddenly, I rumble erupted next to me, and I turned to see that it was coming from Raidyn. Was he… growling? Okay, this day was apparently getting even weirder. Was that even possible? "Apparently, my parents _are_ home." He muttered just loud enough to warn me as he opened the front door. I wanted to tell him to stop, that I didn't want to cause any trouble, but it was too late.

The warmth hit me like a wall. It felt nice against my cold, wet body, and I was momentarily in awe of whoever had invented the heater. If I ever managed to figure it out, I would definitely thank God for putting them on this earth. I took in the atmosphere for a moment. It was warm, cozy, and surprisingly small. When I imagined his house, I thought of something… larger. This seemed to fit him better, and watching him stand there, he looked like he belonged. I envied that.

I heard someone clear their throat, and rotated until I was facing a two-seat couch. There was a man there who looked a lot like Raidyn, around the same age as well. Maybe brothers? He had his arm around a young woman that I felt like I knew from somewhere. But where? I couldn't try to remember anything without remembering all of it, so I let it go. I didn't want it all rushing back to me at a time like this.

"Tai?" The woman asked, her eyes narrowing into a glare. That was when I realized that this was Nessie, the only girl in the car who hadn't had golden eyes, or been freezing cold. Her pale skin contrasted with the two young men's dark russet color, and the blonde curls that sat atop her head seemed out of place around the dark, straight hair that Raidyn and the other guy had. The odd one out all around, it seemed.

"Uh.. yeah." I muttered stupidly, blushing. "Nessie, right?" Apparently, I still wasn't through making an ass of myself. After all, there was still three hours until nightfall. That was one hundred and eighty long minutes of looking like an idiot ahead of me. Nessie didn't reply. Instead, she turned to the man and whispered something in his ear. He nodded, his eyes never leaving me.

"You two know each other?" Raidyn asked, incredulous. He shot Nessie a warning glance, as if telling her to back off and her expression softened slightly. This made me feel a little better.

"Sort of. Nessie and a few other people…" I didn't know how to explain my situation. Actually, I didn't particularly want to either. "Well, they drove me to the beach, where you found me." I stated plainly, leaving out the other parts. Nessie could fill him in on those later.

"Yes, Tai was lost and looking for a beach, so we took her here." Was she protecting me? Why would she do that? She shot me a glance that told me it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Raidyn. Maybe he did have a girlfriend after all.

"Why didn't you tell me, mom?" _Mom?!_ She hardly looked a year older than him! This was definitely not right.

"You were gone by the time I got home." Her tone was obviously annoyed, but she didn't pursue the matter. The man next to her chuckled.

Raidyn seemed to notice him and realize that he hadn't introduced us yet, so he pulled him up and dragged him toward me. "Dad, this is Tai. Tai, this is my dad, Jake." He held out his hand, and I stared at it, not wanting to touch him. It would only bring back memories that I couldn't deal with.

He let it fall to his side after about five seconds and laughed. "Nice to meet you, Tai." I nodded in reply, and he turned to Raidyn after a few moments and looked him square in the eye, suddenly serious. I had no clue what was happening, but the moment was so intense I almost had to look away. After what seemed like ages, they both gave a slight nod and looked down, Raidyn sighing tiredly. I fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Oh, Raidyn, Alex is coming to visit soon." Nessie spoke up, obviously not nearly as confused as I was.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Raidyn asked, his hands shaking slightly. I could hear the growl rumbling deep in his chest again. There was something wrong with this family.

"He's been clean for a few weeks now, don't you worry. She'll be fine." It took me a second to realize they were talking about me. Clean? Was he some sort of druggie? At least a hundred questions were swimming around in my head by now, but I didn't ask any of them, not wanting to be rude.

Shooting me yet another concerned glance, Raidyn said, "Fine." And at the same time, the doorbell rang. Within a second, Nessie was pulling the door open. How had she moved so quickly? I disregarded the thought, and payed attention to the man stepping through the doorway.

I saw maroonish dark brown eyes flecked with gold, and a picture of a face flashed in my mind. In seconds, I was crumpled onto the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, and sobbing violently. _Ouch, _I thought as I hit my head on something hard, but I welcomed the blackness with open arms. It was exactly what I needed.

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**Ahh! I'm sorry it's so short and so late. I've had trouble trying to write in the past and in the future at the same time. o.o But it's okay, I promise to update at least once a week from now on.**

**And y'all are getting another update tomorrow! (: So no worriess.**

**Reviews please!**

--_megg,_


	3. Panic Attack

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

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"Tai!" I could hear my name being called out repeatedly, but I couldn't bring myself to move. While I was unconscious there was no pain. The blackness erased everything else. It made me want to stay here forever. I knew I couldn't, though, as the strange people that had decided to take me in were probably worried for reasons that evaded me. Maybe I seemed so helpless that anyone would have tried to help me.

I dismissed the thoughts, remembering that I'd decided not to attempt to decode Raidyn and Edward, or any of the others for that matter. Instead, I tried as hard as I could to recall what had brought on the darkness in the first place. My head was throbbing slightly, though it didn't hurt, so I guessed I'd hit it on something. Had I fallen? I couldn't think of anything that I could have tripped on… wait- there had been a pair of eyes. They'd been brown… flecked with gold. If I hadn't been held in darkness, I would have been sobbing violently. They'd engendered certain memories to bubble over my unstable wall.

Who had the eyes belonged to, though? I couldn't remember seeing anything but them. Nessie had said something of… Alex? Yes, that must have been him. Sifting through my mind did no good as to what he looked like, though. The only way I would find out was if I climbed back to the surface… Was it worth the pain? Finally, after a long debate with myself, I decided that it would be best to find out sooner, rather than later. I'd have to feel it at some point.

I struggled to move, the feeling all too familiar. The memory was blocked firmly, though, so it was easy enough not to think about it. Maybe I should stop fainting so much. After a few moments, I realized that I could feel tears running down my cheeks. Was I crying even though I'd been knocked out? _Dammit,_ I though, aggravated. Now it was likely that I'd be pelted with questions when I finally did wake up.

A voice broke through my thoughts. I was getting closer, close enough to hear what they were saying. "But I can't! I'm getting nothing." I heard a voice practically scream into my ear. Maybe if I could move, I'd be able to scoot away from it… I tried to use this as motivation. "It's like Edward said, there's some sort of blockade or something. But _I_ should be able to get past it, shouldn't I? Honestly, there's something wrong with this-" A sharp growl interrupted the insult, and I wished I could thank whoever it had been. Apparently, Nessie had just been waiting until I couldn't hear to tell my story. Great. "Sorry, sorry. This is just so frustrating to me. I've never met someone my power doesn't work on." Power? I would have laughed if I'd been able to.

"Don't worry, Alex. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you. This girl is probably just… like Bells, maybe." This time it was Jake speaking. I recognized his low, gravelly voice. After a short pause, he added in answer to an unspoken question, "No, Raidyn, I'm not comparing your imprint to a bloodsucker. Bells was the same way before she was... changed." I could hear the pain in his voice, and wondered briefly whether he'd known Bella a little better than he made known.

"Then why would Edward be able to read all of her thoughts, except the reason she was walking on the side of a damn road? And Alice could see her future, except when she came here, of course." Maybe I wasn't really hearing this; it was probably just another dream. These people were strange, but reading minds? Seeing the future? My subconscious mind must have been going crazy or something.

My foot twitched, sending a jolt of what felt like electricity through my body, allowing it to move freely as well. I opened my eyes with a gasp, looking around me wildly. I was still in the same house. Nessie was still sitting on the couch beside Jake, but Raidyn was sitting next to me, almost rocking back and forth. I couldn't bring myself to giggle, like I would have if it had been under different circumstances. It looked so odd, seeing someone who appeared practically indestructible shaking like a helpless child. In fact, it almost made me want to comfort him. I resisted the urge though, and pivoted myself quickly until I was facing the man behind me.

The tears were already streaming freely down my face, so I didn't bother attempting to hide them. It would only make it harder to look at him if I was trying to lock them in. "Hey, Tai." He said softly, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Can you close your eyes, please?" I choked out, trying to distract myself from the similarity. He looked confused for a moment, but obeyed. Letting out a breath I hadn't been aware of holding, I could finally look at the man. His skin was abnormally pale, just like Nessie's. The dark chestnut hair that sat atop his head wasn't too short, but not long either. The perfect length. Even after disregarding his eyes, she felt like she knew him from somewhere. But where? She still couldn't bring herself to look into the pools of muddy brown, almost red, though. If only he could see with his eyes closed…

"Can I open them now?" I nodded, not realizing that he couldn't see the gesture, and turned my head away to look at Raidyn instead. His eyes were a very safe shade of green, I noticed.

"Tai? Are you alright?" Someone spoke up, and I turned to see that it was Nessie. Did she honestly care? I felt like it was more for Raidyn's sake, once again, that she'd asked the question. But why should Raidyn care either? I glanced at him, noticing the intense concern and sadness that was shining through his eyes. Jake had said something about an imprint… but what was that? Unless it was just a dream, like I'd thought. Or maybe they were pulling some prank on me.

"Yeah, sure." I muttered, looking away from everyone and at the floor. Maybe it would be better if I left. "Are you guys sure you want to keep me around? It feels like I'm causing a lot of tension… I could leave." I felt Raidyn's body shift beside me, and he started to shake.

"Please don't, Tai." Unless I was mistaken, it sounded like he was begging. "You look like you haven't eaten in days… no offense. And you're probably dehydrated as well." My stomach growled in agreement, but the thought of food still made me want to puke. Would they believe me if I said I wasn't hungry? Probably not.

"I'm really not hungry." I mumbled incoherently, but all three 'adults' started to laugh, so they must have understood.

"Really, now? When was the last time you ate something, then?" It was Alex who spoke, but I knew I couldn't look at him, so I simply stared straight ahead.

"U-umm..." I choked, trying to remember. What was the day today? Friday? Then it must have been… "Wednesday..." As soon as I'd said it, Raidyn started to tremble more violently. The others went silent immediately, realizing how serious my... condition was. Telling the truth hadn't been such a good idea, but I apparently sucked at lying under pressure now.

"What happened to you?!" Apparently my answer made him lose his cool. He nearly shouted the question, or really more of a demand. Everyone stared at me, waiting, and I started to blush. I had known this would be coming. Why hadn't I thought up some excuse? Usually I was good at this.

"I-I..." I couldn't bring myself to say anything. If I let it all out in the open, then it must have really happened. I had to keep it behind the wall. I just _had_ to. "I'd rather not talk about it." My voice was almost cold as I felt. Starting to stand up, I looked towards Raidyn. "But if you insist that I stay, could I take a shower, please? I'm freezing."

He nodded, only his hands shaking now. I almost chuckled. The same exact thing happened to me when I was angry. "I'll have Nessie get some clothes for you, if you don't mind. They'll be on the counter by the sink before you're done." I gave a half-hearted smile to show my thanks, and followed him to what must have been his room.

It looked like what I imagined any teenage guy's room would. Clothes were strewn across the floor, a few food wrappers stuffed in corners. It was messy, but it made it feel nice and lived-in. He pointed towards a door in the back corner beside his bed, so I started walking towards it. Before I'd taken three steps, though, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I cringed and turned to face him, shaking it off. Something stabbed at my heart, and my wall grew weaker. "Listen…" He started blushing. "Sorry for getting angry in there. I sort of have a temper and… I dunno. I've just never… I've never seen anyone like you." I grimaced, wondering if that was a compliment or an insult. "But not in a bad way! I just mean that you seem really… hurt? All I want to do is help, I promise. And even though you know nothing about me, I'm here for you, okay?" My expression took on a confused appearance. What was he trying to say? He wanted to be… _friends?_

"Um, thanks, I guess." He looked like he could have died of embarrassment in that moment, so I decided to be a little nicer. "Don't worry about it. I've got a pretty bad temper as well… And I'm sorry I'm keeping all of you in the dark like this. I just can't..." The sentence trailed off, and I think he knew that was all I could say. Tears flooded my eyes, and I turned to step into the bathroom after giving him a weak smile. A panic attack was coming. If I was going to keep myself quiet, I needed to be alone. Turning the shower on, I grabbed a towel and stuffed it in my mouth. It was the only way my screams wouldn't be heard. Stripping and climbing into the shower, I sunk down and wrapped my hands around my knees to hold myself together as best I could.

My wall completely fell, and the fear of being alone, of not being able to put myself back together overwhelmed me. Pain stabbed at every little broken piece of my heart, and I wondered why I'd done this to myself. Johnny's face flashed before my eyes, his brown gold-flecked eyes filled with sadness. Well, I didn't care so much about myself, but why had I done this to _him?_ He'd done nothing to deserve it. But I couldn't have stayed there… I just couldn't. I saw my dad's peaceful figure, eyes closed, lying inside his tent, and I screamed. The towel fell out of my mouth, making my muffled sobs loud and clear. Reaching to grasp it in my shaking hands, I shoved it back inside my mouth, only to scream again. My wall wouldn't hold, no matter how much energy I put into it. I was too tired, to sick of trying to hide everything. After what seemed like a thousand other horrifying pictures took their turn in torturing me, I heard a knock on the door, getting more forceful every second I didn't answer it. Finally, the door was thrown open and someone wrapped me in a towel, pulling me out of the shower to lay me on a bed. I continued to cry, new memories of being in someone's arms resurfacing and greedily tore me to pieces.

I could feel eyes on me, but I ignored them. More than anything, I wanted the blackness to come back, to envelop me and make me numb. I'd rather feel nothing at all than this. I'd rather feel _anything_ than this. The nightmares were hiding from me, not letting me use them as a distraction. I must have been too tired to actually fall asleep. Shaking violently, I reached out and felt a hand grab mine. "Talk." I ordered whoever it was, hoping that someone could get my mind off of this long enough for me to get my wall back up.

"Tai, what's wrong?" I shook my head, hoping he'd take the hint. "Okay... Well it's still raining. A lot of people hate the rain, but I like it. It's refreshing. Like it's washing away all the bad stuff that's happened, and giving us a clean slate, you know?" It was working; I could feel the blockade growing. "The ocean, too. It's so beautiful, and… big. It makes me feel small, and I guess it sorta puts me back in my place when I get a big head." I heard someone chuckle off to the side, and I guessed it was Jake. "Shut up, Dad." I wanted to laugh at the father-son banter. "Okay, so you really need some water. You look like you could shrivel up at any moment." Perfect. I focused on how thirsty I was, my dry throat aching from it. And in what seemed like no time at all, the wall was up. I gasped for air, using the hand to pull me up then dropping it like a hot rock.

"Thank you." I murmured, feeling the blush rising to my cheeks. They all looked like they were waiting for an explanation. What was I supposed to say? 'Oh, I saw this really big wolf one time so now I get panic attacks constantly.'? "Sorry about that… I think that was some sort of panic attack. I'm never afraid when I should be, so it comes back and haunts me later. But it happens a lot, so I'm used to it." It had been that way since I was eight. But other people apparently thought it was strange. Raidyn stared at me blankly, and I wished I could curl up and die. "Sorry…"

"No, it's fine Tai. You had us really worried, though." My gaze was trained only on him as the others filed out, too embarrassed to see what they thought about it. His green eyes smoldered with another intense emotion, one that I couldn't discern. "Sorry if this brings up bad memories, but…" I felt myself intake air sharply. Bad memories were not what I needed right now. "It doesn't look like you really have a… home. Do you?" I shook my head, and was surprised to see him smiling. I frowned, wondering what was funny. "No, not that I'm happy that you're homeless or anything." The word 'homeless' made me want to cry. Of course I had a home; I just didn't plan on going back to it any time soon. "I'm just glad that you get to stay here." Forcing a tight smile, I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated his kindness.

"So I can stay? But you don't even know me… or anything about me, for that matter." I gave him an incredulous stare.

"I know that you love the rain, too. And that you're not afraid of anything. And your eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen." I blushed at the compliment, wondering how he was so oblivious to how screwed up my life was.

"That's not true." He looked like he was about to argue, but I continued, "I'm scared of a lot of things. I just feel it after-the-fact. And my eyes really aren't that pretty." They'd always seemed extremely ordinary to me.

"Okay then, so you're courageous. And believe me, they are." His grin was as wide as Alice's had been. I sighed, confused and tired.

"Okay then, whatever you say." I muttered, "Can I have something to drink?" In a flash, he was up. His long legs carried him to the door in just a couple bounds, and he was back in only a few seconds with a humongous glass of water in his hands. Holding it carefully so it wouldn't fall, I gulped it down greedily. By the time I was finished, it was almost completely gone. He watched me, smiling, until I handed the glass back to him. "So, how old are you?" I asked the question I'd been wondering. If this guy wanted to be friends, I might as well get it out of the way.

"Sixteen." He laughed, staring me square in the face. I gasped, looking him up and down once again. Only sixteen? He looked at least nineteen, probably older. "What about you?"

"Uh." I said stupidly, still bewildered by his reply. After a few moments of trying to register the question in my mind, I finally answered, "Oh. I'm almost fifteen, I think."

"You think?" I nodded idiotically. "Well then, we're not so far apart, are we?"

"Except you look about twenty two." I mumbled, not wanting to be rude. He laughed again.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Suddenly, his face grew serious and he asked, "So what are you afraid of?"

That was one of the questions that I didn't want to answer. After an internal debate, I finally decided that I would tell him the truth, just not the whole truth. "Well, my nightmares are usually about this one time when I was eight." He didn't interrupt me, so I continued, "I was walking in a forest with my family. And out of no where, this huge wolf came out and just stared at us. I thought it was just a dog, so I ran up to pet it's head. But then it started to growl... and this guy came out of no where and started telling us to calm down, that it would be okay and the wolf wasn't after us." A thought prodded at the back of my head, but I ignored it when I saw the look on his face. It was a mixture between horror and disgust, maybe a little bit of sorrow as well. "Are you alright?"

"Sure, sure." He said unconvincingly, "Why did that scare you?"

"I don't know… I think it was because of the whole growling thing, and him chasing the guy into the forest. But now it's more the way he was looking at me... The wolf, not the guy. It looked like he was actually thinking coherent thoughts... not like an animal, I guess. It was like he was arguing with himself or something. It made me feel like I should be on his side of the fight… like the man was the one at fault." His face softened slightly, but still looked pained. What had I said? "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, resisting the urge to reach out and comfort him. It was strange how I felt the need to protect him, to make him happy. I hadn't felt like that in a while.

"I'm fine." He muttered, staring into my eyes. "What did this man look like?"

Suddenly, the image was clear in my head. The bright red eyes that glared from above high cheekbones, the pale skin that stretched across his muscular body and the dusty chestnut hair that sat atop his head. The thought that had been attempting to make itself known to me before was floating around in my mind now, as plain as day. "He..." I couldn't think straight. How was it possible? "He looked exactly like Alex."

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**Okay, so I know I said I'd update this yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to finish it up until really late, and I wanted to post it during the day, so I decided I'd post it today instead.**

**Sorta a cliffhanger. This Alex guy seems pretty interesting, doesn't he? :D I'm thinking he's gonna play a pretty big role in Tai's life, but who knowss? It all depends.**

**So do y'all think that Tai's gonna put two and two together and figure out what's going on? Or will Raidyn tell her before she gets the chance to?**

**And how does Alex play into all of this? You have to read more to find out! :P**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	4. Clarisse

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

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"Well…" Raidyn paused. He seemed to be mulling over something. "That's a coincidence, isn't it?"

"No, it was him." I said, staring him head on. His eyes were clouded with… anxiety? There was something he wasn't telling me, and I knew it. I could also tell he knew he couldn't keep it from me forever by the pained conflict raging on his face. My whole family had always told me how observant I was, and over the years, I'd come to realize it was the truth. It was an adaptation, if you will. I hardly ever let a single thing slip by because I didn't want to miss any of life's beauty.

"But that was like six years ago, it's impossible. Alex didn't even live with us then." He stated confidently, but his lie wasn't hidden well enough. Of course, he'd looked me in the eyes as he said it, which was usually a sign of truth, but I knew otherwise.

"It was him." I repeated, my gaze hardening. The expression on my face was firm, determined, and the emotion cleared from my eyes. I may have been practically starving, but I had enough energy left in me to win this argument.

"But it's not poss-" I cut him off abruptly.

"It. Was. Him." I said each word separately, definitively.

"How could it have been?" He asked. I paused for a moment, not knowing the answer.

"I'm not sure." I muttered, glaring. "But that's what I intend to figure out." For some reason, I decided in that moment that I had to find out how Alex had looked exactly the same six years ago, and why he'd had… crimson eyes. "His eyes were red, if that helps."

He laughed too loudly. "Red eyes? You've gotta be kidding, Tai. Maybe this was just your eight year old mind making stuff up." So now he was going to insult me? Since I'd met him, which was only about half an hour ago, he hadn't said a single mean thing to me. Not once. This must be a pretty touchy subject for him, then.

"If it makes any difference, I was probably smarter at eight years than you are now." I retorted coldly, suddenly realizing that I was still in my towel. _Perfect timing_, I thought smugly, wrapping it tightly around me and standing up. Without another word, I stomped towards the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Tai, wait! I'm sorry!" His voice was pleading, and it made me feel horrible. I wanted to open the door back up and say it was fine, but instead I started looking for the clothes he'd said would be there. Or had my panic attack interrupted that? Finally, I saw them. They were now crumpled up on the bathroom floor, though, and I guessed that they'd been resting on the towel that had been thrown onto me. "Please open the door?" I heard him, but still said nothing in reply.

The shorts were light green, brown, beige, and white plaid, with the same shade of beige tank top to match. A short white sweater with half-sleeves was also on the ground, so I figured it was probably for me. Though slightly damp, it was a nice outfit, and perfectly wearable. I slipped it on quickly, and leaned against the door to wait. Suddenly, I heard a phone ring, and wondered briefly who it could have been. I heard a soft 'dammit' outside of the door, and I opened it.

Raidyn, who had been leaning on it, nearly fell on top of me, but luckily I was quick and moved out of the way. He made a loud thudding noise as he hit the floor, and I immediately bent down next to him. "Are you alright?" I asked, surprised at the worry in my voice. Why did I feel like I needed to protect this guy, when he needed nothing of the sort? Sighing, I leaned back onto the cabinet.

"Yeah, fine. Thanks." He grumbled, sitting up and making himself comfortable next to me. Though to door was open, the room felt extremely hot. As my cold body grew accustom to the change, I shuddered. "I really am sorry." I could hear the person who had called him trying to get his attention.

"I don't want an apology." I pivoted my head so I wasn't looking at him. I _had_ to win this. The person on the phone was getting louder, though, and it was starting to distract me.

"Then what _do_ you want?" I was obviously frustrating him, which meant I was getting somewhere, right?

"I want the truth." My eyes locked with his, and I froze for a second. The green in them seemed to glow. We both forgot about whoever was screaming into the receiver, and for a moment I was completely lost within their depths.

"Good luck with that." With that, he stood and walked out of the room with the phone to his ear. So maybe I wasn't winning. "Sorry about that, I sort of fell." He muttered to the person on the other line. Of course he'd have friends other than me, I could expect nothing less. Being an incredibly nice guy who picked up random homeless people off the beach probably had its perks, right? "Clarisse, come on." His voice was aggravated. Curious, I stood up to get a good look at him.

He was sitting on his bed, one hand balled into a fist, the other gripping the cell tightly. Frustration was painted plainly on his face. As I walked into the room, he looked up at me and gave a sad attempt at a smile. It looked worse than mine had been. "Are you okay?" I mouthed, not wanting Clarisse, or whatever her name had been, to hear me. He only nodded and stared at the ground, listening.

"No, she's just a… friend." He said the word through gritted teeth. Was this about me? It dawned on me slowly, like a settling fog; this was his girlfriend. "You're being ridiculous." There was venom in his words. It must have sounded horrible to her, another girl being at his house when she called. But that's not how it was at all. Raidyn and I were hardly even friends, let alone more than that. "It's fine. Listen, this weekend is really busy for me, but I'll talk to you on Monday. Bye." He closed the phone with a _snap_ and shot me a nervous glance.

"So Clarisse is your girlfriend?" I already knew, of course, but I decided to be sure. From the sound of the conversation, they'd been going out for a while, and Clarisse still got jealous very easily. It seemed immature of her to me, but then again, I wasn't exactly a relationship expert. My heart ached at the thought.

"How did you know?" His mouth turned further downwards, as if he'd hoped he could keep this from me for longer than he had. More secrets didn't seem like such a good idea to me, though, and I intended to figure out everything that he was hiding. Under normal circumstances I was good at solving almost any puzzle, but since Edward, Bella, Alice, and Nessie had taken me to Raidyn, my mind was slightly overwhelmed.

"I'm good at figuring things out." At this, he looked like he might hit the wall. Though I didn't know what I'd said, I decided I better fix it quickly. "I mean, the way you two were talking, it sounded as if she were- I'm not sure exactly- jealous of me?" It sounded more like a question than an explanation. If he and his girlfriend were serious, then an accusation like that could possibly make him very mad.

"Yeah, she was." He admitted with a sigh, scooting back so his back could rest against the wall. Crossing his arms, he added, "But I'm gonna break up with her soon, anyways, so it doesn't really matter." This shocked me. Though he'd sounded aggravated on the phone, I didn't think it was that bad.

"Why? Haven't you guys been together a while?" Once again, he looked conflicted.

"It'll be a year in a week and a half." Taking in a deep breath, he answered the rest of my question, "But it just doesn't feel right anymore." That was the truth, but I could tell it wasn't the full truth. I simply nodded, though, not wanting to upset him further. "I don't want to hurt her, though."

"I'm sure she'll be okay." Or not. But I wanted to comfort him, and it seemed that the best case scenario would help. "Of course she'll be upset for a little bit, but she'll get over it. Everyone does." _Not everyone,_ a voice in the back of my head taunted me. I could almost hear my heart tearing a little bit more. How long would it be before it all fell apart? I squirmed at the thought.

"Sure, sure." Though he didn't believe me, it was obvious he didn't want to talk about it. His eyes scanned over me, and he seemed to be contemplating something. "Can we please get some food in you?"

I grimaced. "I told you, I'm not hungry." My stomach and mind had very different reactions to this statement, but only one of them made a sound. The rumble was louder than it had been before, and Raidyn looked even more upset. "My stomach's delusional." I added, hoping it would cheer him up a bit.

"No, _you're _delusional." It worked. A thin smile slid across his face, but disappeared in an instant. "Seriously, I don't want you to starve. Two days is too long to go without food."

"No." I stated firmly. If he didn't back off soon, my temper might flare again, and I didn't want that. Normally I could keep it in check pretty well, but it seemed the stronger my wall held, the wilder it got. If I had to make a choice between all my fear and pain coming crashing down on me like a river flowing over a broken dam, or the fire of anger that rose steadily within me, growing stronger, I'd choose the fire without hesitation. I was afraid of fear, simple as that.

"Fine. Can we at least go on a walk then?" He gave me a soft smile and stood up, waiting for me to follow. I didn't move, though, and he looked disappointed. Why was this guy so intent on being nice to me? I'd done absolutely nothing to deserve it. Not that I could remember, anyways. But maybe there was more to it than that; he wasn't just some random guy who found some random girl on the beach. In my experience, I'd found that things were often bigger than me, out of my control. Maybe it was the same for him. But what, then? What had compelled him to talk to me? His voice made me lose my train of thought. "Is that a no?"

"What? Oh, sure. I like walking." I started to get back on my feet, but paused momentarily. "Isn't it still, raining though?"

He chuckled. "We love the rain, remember?" The cheerfulness in his voice was back, and I felt relieved that he'd put aside his troubles. Whenever he was sad, I always had that strange urge to make him feel better… He could feel the same way. That would be a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he helped me. But then there was still the matter of _why_ we wanted to comfort each other.

"How could I forget?" I felt something on my face that hadn't been there in a while. Was I smiling? And it wasn't some pathetic half smile, but a genuine one that reached my eyes. This was definitely a moment to remember.

"I made you smile." I wasn't surprised that he sounded shocked. After all, just over half an hour ago I had been sobbing uncontrollably on his bed. This made me want to laugh for some reason, but I didn't. Pushing my new-found boundaries didn't seem like such a great idea. His open mouth closed when he realized that it wasn't a trick of the light.

"Don't let it go to your head." Breaking away from his gaze, I started to stroll towards the door, the grin fading slowly from my lips, but lingering in my eyes. Now that I was sure I still could, it would be so much easier to do again. A chuckle didn't seem so far off anymore.

He was ahead of me in only a few steps, blocking my way out. "Wait, don't stop!" Confused, I tilted my head to the side, wondering what he meant. Don't stop walking? That might be difficult, considering he was huge, and he was standing directly in my path. I couldn't move, unless I wanted to walk backwards, and I didn't. "Smiling, I mean." He added, realizing that I hadn't grasped it yet.

"Why not?" I asked, still slightly puzzled. He probably thought that once it was gone, it wasn't going to come back. I had a feeling he was wrong, though. My mind sort of put the pain aside when he was there, and I didn't have to concentrate so hard on keeping my wall strong. It was as if he was helping me to hold it up.

"Because," He said, as if it were completely obvious, "you're even more beautiful when you smile." Color rose to my cheeks at his compliment, and I couldn't help but let the grin slide back onto my face. "There we go." His hand lifted, as if he were going to touch my face, but he let it fall again, seeming to remember that I wasn't exactly comfortable with him touching me. Or anyone touching me, for that matter.

"You're too kind." I mumbled, embarrassed. Compliments were not things I received often. When you're only around your family, though, it doesn't seem strange to only bicker and insult each other. There was, of course, one exception to that… Panicking, I pushed the thought away as quickly as possible. If I let my mind go astray, I could be forced to face another panic attack, and that was the last thing I wanted. "Can we go?" I asked quickly, my words rushed.

"Sure, sure." He nodded, swivelling around and practically jogging towards the front of the house. It was as if he never ran out of energy. I walked quickly to keep up with him, only a few paces behind, until he stopped abruptly, grabbing something off the wall. "Wear this." He shoved a huge sweatshirt towards me. "It'll keep you warm." Carefully, I took it from his hands and pulled it over my head. This guy was way too worried about me. I'd survived two days without food, no jacket, and no shoes. In fact, there was no civilization at all. I could probably handle another half an hour of cold. Raidyn cleared his throat.

I looked up to see that he was holding the door for me, and felt heat rise to my cheeks. Spacing out was something I did much too often. With a sigh, I left the warmth of his house behind and stepped into the freezing cold. Rain pelted my skin mercilessly, and I was more appreciative of the small bit of added heat the sweatshirt retained for me than I'd expected. "Thanks," I muttered after a few minutes of walking in silence. We were headed towards the beach, I could tell because the smell of the ocean was growing stronger.

"For what?" He asked obliviously, obviously being jolted out of a daydream, "Oh, the sweatshirt. No problem." Smiling, he matched his pace to mine and starting walking less than a foot away from me. For some reason, I didn't mind. "So…"

"Do you love Clarisse?" I asked randomly, automatically feeling bad after the words had left my mouth. I was too curious all the time, always nosing into other people's business. And Raidyn didn't want to talk about her at all.

After a moment of arguing with himself, he finally replied, "Yes, I do. But I don't at the same time." His hands clasped and unclasped nervously, and he stared at them with a strange intensity. Everything, it seemed, that he did was slightly more dramatic than the average person. Then again, this was coming from the girl who broke down and cried every time she heard a certain name. Putting the dangerous thought aside, she returned herself to the conversation.

"What is she like?" She wanted to ask him why he was breaking up with her, but figured he might get upset at that. It was a question he'd been avoiding, but I wasn't going to give up. When I wanted something, I kept at it. This particular subject was something that Raidyn disliked, but he had to have a reason for breaking up with the poor girl. It sounded like they meant a lot to each other.

He smiled in response, "She's pretty amazing." Eyes glittering, he continued, "You know those girls in schools that all the guys want?" I nodded, even though I had no idea what he was talking about. I'd never actually been to a normal high school. Or any normal school, for that matter. "Well, she's that girl. She's really pretty, and she plays soccer, so she's pretty athletic as well. And she sings, and writes her own songs. You wouldn't believe how good she is at it. _And_ she's really nice. It always seemed like we just fit, you know?" I knew all too well what he meant. Nodding, I forced my breathing to come out evenly and my heart to beat at a normal pace. I used to write songs too, I recalled. It was strange how things that had hardly a thing to do with what I was trying to hide got locked behind my wall as well. Maybe I'd try to start again.

"So why are you breaking up with her?" It seemed an appropriate time to spring the unwanted question. If they fit, then why would he end their relationship?

Frowning, he answered, "I'm not really sure myself. I do love her, but it just seems so small compared to…" Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in my stomach. I stopped walking and listening, clutching my torso weakly, and started to feel light headed. What was wrong with me? I felt my head fall against the soft sand and I was out cold.

--

It was dark when I awoke, and I could only faintly make out white walls around me. I was lying in a somewhat uncomfortable bed. Was I in... a hospital? I'd only been injured badly enough to have to go to one once before, as my dad could usually fix anything that was wrong with me without any trouble. But now my dad wasn't here... the thought dissolved instantly, quickly enough to dissipate the tears as well, as someone leaned over me. The gold flecked eyes bore into mine, causing my breath the catch in my throat. He spoke slowly, like he thought I wouldn't be able to understand or something.

"You should _really_ stop doing that.."

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**So sorry this took me so long to get up! I've been super busy lately with all this homework crap. And if you've been waiting for my other story 'My World is Raining', I'm trying to get another chapter up either today or tomorrow. I've had absolutely no muse for it in a while, so I'm trying to get some of it back before I write something really bad.**

**Besides the late-ness, did y'all like this chapter? I thought it was pretty okay myself. I totally wasn't gonna add the girlfriend thing, but I figured it might make things a little more interesting. : And the eyes at the end are Alex's, not Johnny's, just so you know.**

**Reviews would be amazing! Questions, comments, and whatever else always make my day!**

--_megg,_


	5. side note: SORRY!

**S O R R Y ,**

Ohmygosh! I'm sooo sorry I haven't posted in so long! I'd almost finished with the next chapters of both my stories, but then my laptop did this thing where it says 'disk space too low' or something, and it would log me on to some kind of temporary account and not let me do anything AT ALL. Well, my dad attempted to fix it, and he did manage to get it to let me use the internet and sometimes word, but it erased everything. I literally had my LIFE stored on there! All sorts of songs and poems, little journal entries I wrote about random things, important conversations that I wanted to save that I had with my friends, and every single one of my stories. You have NO IDEA how upset I am about this. :[

I'm getting a new laptop this weekend, and hopefully I'll be able to pick up where I left off and get y'all reading again! Again, I'm super sorry about not posting for so long, if my computer hadn't died I would have given you guys another chapter by now. The next one will be really really long, though! Look forward to it! :]


	6. Four AM

**Disclaimer:**** All the characters beside Raidyn, Alex, and Tai belong to Stephenie Meyer, along with all the other Twilight stuff.**

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"Stop doing what?" It took a moment for me to catch my breath before I answered. It was just Alex, again. He really needed to stop sneaking up on me like that; I was already fragile enough. Shaking my head softly to get rid of any unnecessary thoughts, I focused on his silky voice.

"Fainting. You're scaring the you-know-what out of Raidyn. Even his parents are starting to worry." Instantly, I felt guilty. My screwed up head shouldn't have to affect everyone else. Maybe I should eat, even if it didn't want to. If they thought I was going anorexic, they might send me away. And for whatever reason, staying with these people and keeping them happy with me was among my top priorities.

"Oh, yeah. Could you bring me some food or something? I haven't, um, eaten in a while." He grinned and walked slowly and deliberately out the door, almost as if he was trying not to walk too fast. I wasn't _that_ jumpy, was I? It was like all these people were walking as slowly as they could, and talking as slowly as they could around me as if the slightest word could break me. It was only Raidyn's family who treated me like any other person, for the most part. Sighing, I glanced at the clock, my head throbbing as I turned my head. It was 4:00 A.M. Wait.. four in the morning?! Why was Alex here so early? Had he stayed all night? Before I could think anymore, he was back.

"Well, that was fast." I muttered, grabbing the tray out of his hands. A plastic cup filled to the brim with cranberry juice was sitting in front of me, along with three chocolate chip pancakes smothered in my favorite kind of syrup, almost as if he'd known my favorite breakfast. I said, "Yummy," though I didn't sound the least bit enthusiastic.

He laughed, jabbing a fork into the middle of the pile. "The cafeteria's right across from your room. My dad's the head doctor and surgeon here, so he pulled some strings for you." Watching me patiently, he grinned. I wondered whether he was waiting for a reply, or for me to take a bite. "You know, those little tubes are keeping you hydrated and well-fed right now. So, if you really don't want to eat anything, you don't have to."

"Tubes? Oh…" I asked stupidly, not having noticed the snakes winding their way out of my pale thin arms and into a huge machine beside my bed. On the other side of me was another machine, beeping every few seconds. It must be one of those things that monitored your heart. Shuddering, I imagined the line flattening and the beeping falling to one long, steady hum. "No, that's okay. I'm feeling kind of hungry anyways." Picking up the fork, I led it to my mouth hesitantly, afraid it would get stuck in my throat and I wouldn't be able to swallow it. Or, more embarrassingly, it would come right back up again. Finally, I shoved the syrup-soaked bite into my mouth and chewed.

The taste hit me like a wall. I don't think I'd ever tasted anything so good in my life. "Wow, these are good. Thanks." I said between mouthfuls, ignoring Alex, who was laughing at me. My brain had switched off the hungry feeling, just as it had hidden my memories, and the food had flipped it right back on. Before I knew it, an empty plate was staring up at me.

"No problem. I guess you were hungry after all, hm?" I nodded, heat rising to my cheeks. I was like some sort of pig, shoving food down my throat as fast as I could. At least now I didn't have to worry about anyone bothering me to eat. After a long silence, he muttered, "Raidyn should be back soon, by the way."

"What? He's here?" I looked at the clock once again. 4:15 A.M. Why were all these people hanging out by my sickbed so late at night? "Why?" I added, voicing my thoughts. Suddenly, an idea came to me. Maybe Alex would answer the questions that Raidyn wouldn't.

"Of course he is. He and I offered to stay and look out for you, he wanted to be sure that you were alright. Carlisle and Edward are here too, of course." He started speaking again when he noticed the confused look that adorned my face, "Carlisle's my dad, the doctor. He has to stay if there's a critical patient." Not pausing to let the sentence soak in, he quickly continued his explanation, "And Edward is my brother. I think he only stayed because he needed to talk to Carlisle."

"Who's the critical patient?" I recalled the Edward that had picked me up off the side of the road. Were they the same? Deciding not to ask, I stared at Alex, who had turned towards the door. He didn't answer my question immediately, due to the knock on the door that interrupted our conversation. I held my breath; half hoping Raidyn had come back, half not wanting him to see me lying so… helplessly in a hospital bed. I wasn't used to being the one who needed the helping; I was usually the one giving it. A nurse poked her head in, and I let out a long sigh, only partially relieved.

"Oh! You're awake." Her surprised eyes drifted towards Alex, "Hello Mr. Cullen, is everything alright in here?" She opened the door just wide enough to let herself in, then shut it quietly behind her. Alex simply nodded, his eyes locked on my face. Uncomfortable, I concentrated on the nurse.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked, suddenly feeling sick. Maybe all that food hadn't been such a great idea. At least I was in a hospital, where barfing was perfectly acceptable.

"You've been out for around two days now, according to your chart." The young woman seemed to think nothing less of it, and busying herself with my papers and adjusting the machinery. I gasped, bewildered, and glanced again at Alex.

"Me?" My voice was low enough that only he could hear it, "I'm the critical patient?" Once again, he tilted his head downward in a nod. This knowledge was one of those things that I could have lived forever without knowing, and I would have been better off. Being a patient was disturbing enough, but being listed under critical condition? There was nothing wrong with me, I was simply tired.. Just really tired. There was no reason for everyone to get all worried. A memory suddenly pushed to the surface, and my heart started to race. Six days. I'd sat, waiting, for six days, as I watched someone I loved slip deeper and deeper into a coma. I'd hardly known him, having met him only a day earlier, but he'd made a mark on my heart. Is that how Raidyn had felt? Alex? Had they been terrified that they'd never see my eyes open again, even though they'd only just met me?

I felt two pairs of worried eyes on me and tried to get myself under control. I was being ridiculous. Raidyn wasn't worried about me like I had been about Johnny, this was a totally different situation. And Alex probably couldn't care less, but Raidyn was his friend, and if he felt obligated to help me, they both would. "Tai? Are you alright?" Alex's voice broke through my trance, and I realized the heart monitor had sped up quite a bit. I nodded, clearing my head as quickly as I could.

"Yeah, sorry." It was hardly a whisper, but I hardly noticed. "I was just thinking about something sort of sad. I must have gotten a little worked up." My face felt wet. Was I crying? Barfing would have been less embarrassing than this. At least no one could laugh at me now.

"Okay then, if you say so," The nurse replied, completely believing me. I'd been expecting a bombardment of questions and maybe even some tests, but I guess in a small town, people were a lot more honest than city-folk. She didn't assume I'd been lying, like most people would have. "Well, everything seems to be in order." The nurse hung the clipboard on the end of the bed, and shifted her gaze from Alex to me once again. "My name is Michelle. If you need anything just press the button on the remote, and I'll be here as soon as I can." I nodded, still shocked, and watched as she walked out the door.

"So what's wrong with me?" My voice was shaky. I was much more of a burden than I'd bargained for. Maybe it would be better if I went back to my family and left these people alone. I could hear the steady beep keep up with my frantic, speeding heart as I realized how dangerous the thought was.

"Don't worry about it. We thought you might be sliding into a coma, but you woke up, which is an obvious sign that you're not." He looked away while he said it; he was lying. Part of me wanted to ignore the gesture and stay ignorant, but curiosity got the best of me.

"I don't believe you." I reached up and turned his head to where he was looking at me again. "Seriously, what's wrong with me? I'm gonna find out sooner or later, you might as well just tell me now."

"It's nothing serious, we don't think, but when we told Carlisle you'd fainted multiple times in only a short time he got kind of tense." He was perfectly still now, like a statue. "There's about a thousand reasons why you could have passed out, though. Hunger, fatigue, emotional upset, fear, dehydration, any reason for having low blood pressure. He's trying to consider everything, though, just to be careful."

I didn't like the possibility of something being seriously wrong with me. I didn't like the possibility of something being wrong with me at all. And I didn't like that it was being sugarcoated, either. Either the doctor thought I was sick, or he didn't. There was no in between. "Everything? Like..?" He looked at his hands, then back at me, as if debating whether to tell it to me straight or not.

After a few moments of deliberation, he finally said, "Like heart conditions, diabetes, which is a genetic thing, and something called a 'transient ischemic attack', which like a mini-stroke." As if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, his eyes brightened and he straightened his posture, "But really, don't worry about it. Carlisle's one of the top doctors in the country. You're in really good hands."

I was too shocked to reply. Heart condition? Stroke? Elderly people were diagnosed with that type of disease, not perfectly healthy teenagers. And any sort of genetic problem could bring up complications. They wouldn't be able to speak to my parents, and I had no idea what my medical history was. From the little I'd been told of my distant relatives, I didn't have any aunts or uncles. I'd never met my mother's or father's parents, and they were never spoken of either. What was I supposed to say? _Oh, sorry, I don't know anything about my parents' parents, and if I even start thinking about my parents, I'll probably have a panic attack. _They'd send me to child protective services and a therapist. Wouldn't that be fun?

The door opened suddenly, without a knock, and Raidyn burst into the room. As soon as he started speaking, my train of thought was instantly erased and refocused, "Tai! Sorry I wasn't here! I was really hungry, and the food in the cafeteria was disgusting so I had to go out, and of course you must have woken up right after I'd left. But after Edward called, I got here as soon as I could." The urge to laugh overwhelmed me as his bulky, muscular figure stood there awkwardly in the doorway, staring at me. I held back, though, wondering why I always wanted to giggle at the most inappropriate times.

"It's fine." I smiled, wanting him to feel better. "Alex was here; he brought me food, so I'm feeling a lot better now." I didn't mention that I knew about the… possibilities. I wasn't sure Alex was the one who was supposed to deliver the news, that job was generally put in the hands of the doctor.

His gaze settled on Alex and I thought I saw anger flit across his face, but it was gone so quickly that I convinced myself I'd imagined it. He turned back to me without greeting his friend, "You ate? That's awesome! I'm so glad you're awake, I was getting really worried. It's so ironic that I'd been waiting here for days, then when you finally wake up I'm not here, isn't it? Sorry, again."

"Really, Raidyn, it's okay. I only woke up a few minutes ago, anyways." Though it didn't really matter, as I was only saying that to make him feel better, I glanced at the clock again to check; it had really been over an hour. Alex was smiling at me, as if to say

'I know something you don't know', but if I tried to say anything, I knew Raidyn would keep him from answering. I had to wait until we were alone again.

He sighed, grabbing a visitors chair and pulling it to the side of my bed. Once he was seated and comfortable, he looked at me curiously. "So how are you feeling? You're okay, right?" Nodding, I looked away from his stare and at the wall ahead of me. It was perfectly white with a stripe a pink paint going horizontally across the entire room. The wall had no interesting texture; it was plain, smooth, like untouched snow or a cloud. Hospitals were always like that, simple, clean, and very white. It must be some sort of requirement. Alex's gaze was upon me as well, and I was growing uncomfortable in the spotlight. No one said anything for a few moments, so I glared at the door, willing it to open and end the awkward silence. I couldn't really look at Raidyn without wondering whether he did love me the same way I'd loved… even the thought was making my eyes water. If only life were as simple as a hospital room, it would be perfect.

Surprisingly, the door did open. My willpower must have been stronger than I'd imagined. A handsome man, in his twenties or early thirties, stepped into the room. He chuckled, "A little crowded in here, isn't it?"

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**Hey, there! It's been a while, hasn't it? :/ Sorry again for that. And I know I said I'd get this to you like a week ago, but I didn't get my computer until Sunday, and I can't conjure chapters up out of no where (unfortunately), so it took a couple days. Anywayss, I was hoping this would be a little longer than this, but oh well. Do you guys like it? I'll probably update sometime this week or over the weekend. I promise it won't be as long of a wait as it was this time. I've even started it already. :)  
**

**I've had a couple questions/comments in the reviews that I'd like to clear up as well. Firstly, I can't tell you who Alex is exactly, because I'm not completely sure myself. He was kind of a last minute add in while I was writing the first chapter, and now I'm coming up with all these ideas for him, but I'm not sure if I want to use them yet. I can tell you what I know now, which is that he's the most recent addition to the Cullen's family, something that this chapter sort of reveals, and he's not completely weened off humans yet, hence the maroon eyes. He's good friend with Jake and Nessie, too. It was him in Tai's past and dreams, but he was just helping the Cullens fight the werewolves, which I can't tell you anything more about yet, he didn't actually join their family until like a year or two ago. He'll prolly have a decently large role in the story, bigger than Alice or Rose will have, that is, but I'm not positive about anything. Uhh, that's about all I can say safely. Hope I didn't confuse you guys more!**

**And the other comment was about Tai fainting, which she does quite often, in case you hadn't noticed. Really guys, I'm not just some weirdo who can't think of anything to write so she makes her characters faint a bunch, there _are_ reasons, heh. It's going to have a big role later in the story, but not for a while, so I can't tell you most of it. Also, she hadn't eaten in days, and she was under a lot of emotional stress. Plus, she hit her head that one time, which is a good reason to faint.**

**Review! Review! Revieewwww! Be good little readers. :) ANDD one last thing! Sorry I'm saying all this stuff that's GOING to be important then telling you I can't tell you, but I'm not really sure how to explain it. :/ I personally hate it when people do that, so I feel kinda bad.  
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	7. Examination

**Disclaimer: Any wolfiness or vampire..iness belongs to Stephenie Meyer!**

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I smiled at the doctor who was saving me from a world of awkwardness. Alex seemed fine with Raidyn, but Raidyn was obviously not okay with Alex staring at me. Was he jealous? I almost laughed at the thought, pushing it away instantly. There was no possible way that Raidyn could like me as more than a friend. It couldn't exist anymore than pixies or vampires. I was officially ruling out the 'Raidyn loves me' idea, and moving on to something else that made at least a little sense.

"Don't worry, Raidyn and I were just leaving." Alex said with a grin, standing up quickly. "Weren't we?" When Raidyn still didn't reply, he moved over to the other side of my bed. Like he was lost in some sort of daydream, or deep in concentration, the giant man didn't look away from me. This was getting somewhat bothersome, having two people staring at me like I was something to eat. Under normal circumstances, I would have slapped them both and told them to get away from me, but these two guys were my only friends at the moment. What else could I do, but ignore it?

"We were?" Raidyn said finally, after being tapped not-so-lightly on the shoulder multiple times. Both the pale figures gave him looks, and after a silent argument between them he finally decided to give in. "Sure, sure. I'll go." Reluctantly, he stood up and moved towards the door, looking back at me as he walked through it. "Carlisle doesn't bite, don't worry!" He still look dejected, but was smiling and gave a quick wave before turning back and saying something to Alex, who in turn laughed. Michelle, the nurse, passed by and Carlisle motioned for her to close the door.

After a quick glance over his shoulder, he turned back to me with a grin. "Are you feeling alright, Tai?" This man was not your average doctor. He looked extremely young, as if he'd just finished with medical school, but something in his eyes made wonder if there weren't invisible years stacked upon his shoulders, weighing him down. Patiently, he waited for my response, his smile fading only slightly.

The question was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. The more it was asked, the more it reminded me that I wasn't, no matter how well I tried to hide it. My situation crashed down on me suddenly, and I could feel my wall slipping. Some disease could be swimming around in my veins or DNA or wherever it originated from, and I had no idea what it was or how strong it would be. Every second my heart tore a little more, and I was starting to wonder if it was going to kill me eventually. There were too many unbearable memories hidden behind my wall, and it was growing weaker by the minute as well. If it fell apart, so would my entire world. I weighed my thoughts carefully, placing each dangerous one in the very back of my head, out of sight, so as not to add anymore of a burden to the exhausted barrier.

"As alright as I'll ever feel." I shot him a feeble smile, guilty that I couldn't even tell a doctor the full truth. They couldn't do their job without it, and I did want to feel better, so I would at least have to make an effort on that front. "But medically, I feel great."

"I'm very glad to hear that." He said, grabbing the clipboard on the end of my bed, exactly as the nurse had done before. "It says here that you fainted three times, is that correct?" Had it been three? I could only remember two, unless I'd passed out during my panic attack. Alex or Raidyn had probably given him this information, and I didn't trust myself with remembering anything, so the only thing left to do was agree.

Nodding, I said, "Yes, I think so." He grabbed a pen and scribbled something on the sheet, staying silent for a few more moments. I wanted to know what he was writing, but didn't have the nerve to ask him.

"And you hadn't eaten in almost three days." It wasn't a question. I wanted to make up an excuse, lie, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I simply nodded. I'd already promised to tell this guy as much of the truth as I could, and I'd broken too many promises lately to go back on this one.

He looked at me sadly, his eyes trailing over my thin body. "Had you been underweight before?" Here came the difficult part. No part of me wanted to bring those unpleasant memories to surface, but what other choice did I have? Determined to keep my promise, I closed my eyes and tried to remember what I'd looked like before I left. It was difficult to draw only certain images from behind my wall, the wrong one could send me into one of my panics and get everyone all worked up again, which I wasn't about to let happen. Finally, I pulled a simple one of me walking across a field, trees all around. Ignoring the tears that had been coming out of my eyes, I observed myself. I had been quite thin, yes, more so than your average teenage girl. Maybe the events that led up to my being here had taken their toll on my appetite, and I had been eating less than usual.

And putting the unfortunate circumstances aside, it wasn't exactly easy to find food in the wilderness. We'd tried to eat store-bought stuff as little as possible, but in emergencies we would. "Yeah, I guess I was," I mumbled, opening my eyes and looking the doctor square in the face. "I wasn't anorexic or anything, though. I didn't eat all that often, but not because I wanted to be thin. I honestly couldn't care less about how I look; I just… had more important things on my mind." It was quite depressing that I'd had, and still have, more crucial thoughts rolling about in my head than keeping myself well-fed and alive. I couldn't place the blame on anyone but myself and life, though. Sometimes it just throws stuff at you too quickly for you to dodge, and you get caught up in a sticky mess. Mess was an understatement for my life. Sighing, I snapped out of my daydream and focused my attention on the doctor again, who was looking at me expectantly. "Um, did you say something?" I asked, embarrassed.

After a light chuckle, he nodded, "Yes, in fact I did. Do you space out a lot?" I nodded, feeling the blush rise to my cheeks. His pen scratched against the paper once again. Was day dreaming a medical thing? I'd never known that. "I asked if you remembered how you felt just before you fainted, and whether you'd had any shortness of breath or difficulty breathing lately." I thought for a moment. It wasn't not being able to breathe that led me to fainting, it was more just lightheaded and dizziness. I'd been walking along with Raidyn, talking normally… Then my stomach started hurting really badly.

"Well, I got sort of dizzy, then my stomach was in enough pain to make me fall, then I fainted while I was already on the ground, I think." He nodded, his face still calm. "And nope, I haven't had a hard time breathing for a while now." He continued scratching words onto the paper, and I started to wonder what the stomach-thing meant. "Dr. Carlisle?" He looked up instantly, so I went on, "What does my stomach hurting mean?"

Smiling sweetly, he put the clipboard back on the end of the bed and answered my question, "It's probably nothing but you're hunger, but it would be best if we ran a few tests first." Moving to the side of my bed, he looked worried for a moment, but was back to normal before I could think anything of it, "I'm going to need your medical records and your parent or legal guardians' phone numbers in order to get your medical history. Also, I'll need your insurance information, and some form of identification. Your last name would be helpful as well." My eyes grew wide as he was speaking, and for a moment I felt like I was about to faint again. What was I supposed to tell him? I didn't even _know_ my parents' numbers. Even if I did, there's no way I'd call them, not over my dead body. I couldn't hurt them like that. "Do you have any of that, Tai?" All I could do was shake my head. "Tai, listen to me. At least give me your parents' numbers so I can call them and tell them you're okay." I started at him for a long minute, my eyes never leaving his.

"I can't," I breathed, hearing the heart-monitor start to race again. "I really can't." He sighed and turned around to the door of the room. After calling for Rachel, whoever that was, he strolled back to my bed and sat down in the chair. I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry…"

"Tai, they won't let me treat you if they don't know who you are and if you're going to pay us. It's not in my power…" The door opened again and Rachel came in, all smiles. She stood quietly at the door while Carlisle finished talking to me, "Raidyn's really counting on me for this, he wants you to get better more than anything, and it's my obligation to be sure that you're healthy. I want to and have to, but I don't see how I can if you're not cooperative. " I looked away from him, embarrassed. My wall was about to come down, and what would I do then?

"Dr. Carlisle, you called for me?" He nodded, pointing towards her chart. It must have been some sort of signal that the two had memorized, because she obviously knew what it meant and walked towards the end of my bed. "Hey… Tai." She said, after picking up my chart, "Is there something wrong? Let's see…" She had the same dark skin as Raidyn, and she resembled him in more ways than one. "There isn't any of her information on here, Carlisle. What did you need me for?"

"That's exactly it. According to her, she doesn't have any information. What can we do about it?" Rachel looked like she understood, though I didn't, and reread the chart. "I can't just cast her out like some kind of animal, no pun intended, but you know they won't let me treat her without the correct information. And how can I, without medical history? Please, don't tell Raidyn about any of this until we find a solution, he'll be upset. "

"Of course I won't tell him, do you think I'm stupid?" Carlisle laughed at her comment, and she continued "Well…" She started, thinking deeply, "You could take her back to the Cullen household. I hear you've got some pretty fancy medical stuff over there, I'm sure you'd be able to do the same things you could do here, minus the lab of course." She paused, not finished with her idea, "And don't you know a guy who can get her paperwork? Jenks, wasn't it?" I was starting to get very confused. Did they mean fake paperwork? Were they all illegal immigrants or something? I didn't bother interrupting them with my questions, though. Honestly, I didn't really care, I just wanted the whole 20 questions game about my past to end.

"That's actually a very good idea. But what will Raidyn think about having her in my house? He's never been too fond of us, and now with her… He'll think it's dangerous." His voice was low, as if he thought I couldn't hear. Did I want to go to a house where my big muscle-y friend thought it was too hazardous? Not particularly. "I'm sure we'll be able to convince him, though, if we tell him it's the only way to treat her."

"You know, I'm right here. I can hear every word you're saying." I muttered quietly. They both looked at me and laughed, engendering my cheeks to grow hot yet another time. "Why would Raidyn disapprove of me going with you?"

"Let's just say he's very protective over his… friends." Rachel had a hard time saying the word friend, it seemed. What did that mean? This was all too confusing for me. "Carlisle's family and the Quilettes, that's what tribe Raidyn and I are from, have sort of an ongoing feud that slowly ending, but there's still that underlying distrust, you know? Don't worry, though, Dr. Carlisle is the best doctor in all of Washington, probably in all of the west coast, actually. He'll take great care of you, wherever you go." Honestly, I really didn't want to go with him. I'd much rather just be left in the dark about whatever was going on with me. He'd said himself it was probably nothing more than exhaustion and hunger, right? And I'd eaten and slept already. I was going to be fine. Why couldn't Raidyn just take be back to his house now?

Then, once again, the door burst open. Raidyn stood there, shaking slightly, glaring at the nurse. "No. Don't even think about it.." He muttered, glancing at me. The look in his eye told me that he understood that this wasn't what I wanted, though I had no idea how. "Leave her be, okay? She's fine for now. If you need to run tests or whatever, you can do it later." Carlisle stood frozen, a look of disgust flashing on his face for less than a second before he started to shake his head, obviously not pleased.

"Edward?" Huh? Why was I feeling so left out of all these conversations? What did Edward do? Raidyn simply nodded, "I'll have to talk to him about that when I get home." He muttered, mostly to himself, then turned to me, "Are you sure you don't want to run some quick tests? It won't take long, and it would be virtually painless." Virtually wasn't completely. I didn't want to deal with anymore pain at the moment, and Raidyn seemed to agree with me. I smiled politely and shook my head at the doctor.

"Actually, I really feel fine." My voice was stronger as well, helping to prove my point. "Listen, how about I just go with Raidyn, and we can do whatever tests you want.. later?" Raidyn's eyes lit up, though the pale man looked disappointed. Rachel had left by now, obviously not caring enough to stay for our little compromise. Maybe she hadn't been related to him after all. "Please?" I added quickly.

He stared at me for what felt like a long time, with Raidyn still standing in the doorway. "Okay then, if you really don't want any tests, I can't make you." With a sigh, he turned towards the figure who had moved amazingly quickly to be beside me as soon as he'd spoken the words. "But only on one condition. You have to promise to bring her back to me within the next month or two, okay? And if anything else happens, tell me immediately, or at least Alex or Edward.. or even Nessie, okay?" Raidyn nodded eagerly, his eyes never leaving me.

It was quiet for a while. "Um, can we leave now, then?" Carlisle nodded slowly, moving toward the side of my bed to check some wires, or mess with the monitor or something. I was surprisingly clueless for my dad having been a nurse.. _Shit._ My breathing quickened as memories of him flowed freely into my head. Raidyn's eyes widened, and he grabbed my hand immediately, not caring whether I cared or not. For some reason, I didn't. The warmth was welcome, and the rythmic pattern of the circles he was tracing on it was helping regulate my heartbeat. The doctor looked at me for a moment, scrutinizing my face and the charts and anything else about me he could find.

"Tell me what that was, then you can." I didn't reply immediately, so he turned to Raidyn, obviously growing impatient, "You also need to get her some papers, okay? I'll give you my guy's card, and you have to go as soon as possible, so you can get her signed up for school before the next semester starts." School? Papers? _What?_! I had never been to school, not that I didn't know math and algebra and all of that, and I wasn't keen on going now. I wasn't one for big crowds of people or anything, let alone sitting still for hours while people rambled on about pointless things that I had no intention of using ever again. Carlisle reached into his pocket and pulled out a small business card, and set it on the table, as if afraid of giving it to Raidyn directly. What fued could be that bad?

I tried to focus, hoping to speak before Raidyn could reply, but he beat me to it, "She does that sometimes, no big deal. Just thinking about stuff, I think." I nodded, knowing that he'd explained it better than I could have. He reached down to take the card, and I scrunched my eyes closed and pretended that he wasn't. Maybe he'd let me be homeschooled or something. "Okay, I'll take you up on that offer. I'll send Jake over later today or tomorrow. She doesn't need to be there, right?" Why were they talking about this in front of me, like I wasn't there? It was growing old.

"Nope,

Jake would be fine. Okay, then you're all good." He said finally, after looking me over a couple more times suspiciously, "I'll just have Rachel come back in and get all these wires off of you, then you're free to go." _Free to go._ Those were the words I'd been waiting to hear all day.

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**Sorry this took so long to get up, once again.. Yeah. My muse seems to have taken a vacation, so sorry if this one's not very good. ): **

**I'd written the first part, but then my new computer doesn't have word on it or anything yet, so I was sort of like.. what now? Then I found the magical program.. NOTEPAD! :D It's truly a lifesaver, so now I can actually write. Plus, I didn't realize I could upload it onto here then edit it, hahah.  
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**Hope you guys like it anyways! By the way, I think I might start putting up like a song a chapter that relates to it and stuff.. but I'm not sure yet, cause I haven't really heard any good songs lately. Maybe when the new Fray CD comes out, which I'm totally excited for. Anyone else love 'you found me' as much as I do? If you don't, go listen to it over and over until you realize how amazing it is! (: Just kidding, haha.**

**If you review I'll be your best friend foreverr! I'd love at least a couple this chapter. :]  
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	8. Hold Up

**Disclaimer:**** All the werewolfy stuff belongs to Stephanie Meyer!**

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"Do you wanna rest?" I stared at him, my expression blank. Rest? Was that not what I'd been doing for the past three days? How much rest could a girl need? I looked down at my hands, then back up at him, and wondered how on earth this was going to work out. In all honesty, his house was the last place I wanted to go. Not because I didn't want to hang out with him, but because it was just so.. not me. I wasn't the kind of person who depended on people to provide for me, to give me what I needed. I could take care of myself. I hadn't asked for God to drop some really hot guy out of the sky to pick me up off the side of the road and try to save me.. and even if I did need saving, I didn't want it. I needed to wallow for a bit longer, try and fend everything off on my own until I couldn't do it anymore. I just needed to be with me, myself, and I.

"Um, no. I'm not tired." I muttered, still looking down. What was I supposed to tell him? 'Thanks for all the help, but I think I'll be on my way.'? He'd taken me to the hospital, paid the bills for it, given me a warm place to stay, and what was all of this about 'papers'? Fake IDs and whatever else, he was giving it all to me. The only problem was, he hadn't asked if I'd wanted any of it. And there was no way in hell I could tell him I didn't, not after all the help he'd given me. I was independent, yes, but not cruel. I glanced up to see him staring intently at me, worried, and was suddenly very annoyed. "Listen, I'm really not that fragile, okay? I'm not about to break out into sobs again. That was a one time thing, and I promise you it won't happen again." Not in front of him, anyways. I gritted my teeth as I watched his expression droop, but couldn't help but continue, "I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for a long time, and I can't see any reason why now should be different."

I glared at him, but instead of him yelling at me or apologizing or doing whatever I'd expected him to do, his eyes just searched my face, as if thinking it was some kind of joke. Turning away frustratedly, my pace quickened. "Hold up!" He said after a couple of seconds, "I never thought you were fragile." He said, his voice more angry than I'd expected. "But generally when you start crying and screaming in front of someone, then blow it off like it was nothing, it's gonna kind of confuse them. All I want are some answers." I didn't stop walking.

This was a mistake. It should have never happened this way, and it certainly couldn't go on like this. I had to get away from here, and fast. But I couldn't help but let my temper take over, and argue back. I stopped suddenly. "You wanna know why I started crying?" He nodded, looking at me expectantly. "Why should I tell you? I know that you just want to help, but I never asked for this. I was doing perfectly fine without you." And then he started to laugh. My anger flared, but I held back the sharp words that stung my mouth. "_What?_" I said bitterly.

"Starving, dirty, dehydrated, overheated, walking on the side of the road with blistered feet. You call that fine? You're lucky we found you, or you could have _died_." I didn't reply. "We saved you, and you're sitting here complaining. Could you be any less grateful?" The question hit close to home, but I managed to push back whatever feelings were bubbling up. After the last episode, I had to be careful not to let it happen again. He started to walk again, and after hesitating, I did too.

Briefly, I wished my entire past could be erased. If these were different circumstances we were under, what would I be doing right now? Maybe flirting? Talking? Just hanging out? Maybe we could have been friends, or more than that. If everything had been different, would I be wishing I was somewhere else, or would I be content to be right where I was? I sure as hell wouldn't be being the complete bitch I was right now. Why was there always a catch? What-ifs, though, never helped a thing. I of all people should know that. "Who said that's not what I wanted?" I muttered indignantly, looking back down at my feet.

Once again, he stopped. This was getting annoying. Maybe we should just sit down or something, instead of playing red light green light. "Woah, woah, woah." He said, "You're not suicidal, are you? God, Tai.. no." I stared at him as he shook his head. "You're telling me that you were out there so you could die? You didn't want to be saved so you could be left out there to kill yourself?" I opened my mouth to tell him that's not what I had meant, but now that I thought about it, wasn't it? I mean, sure, I was trying to run away, get as far away from everything as I could, but I hadn't eaten or slept or done any of the things necessary to keep you moving. I surely hadn't been happy about things, but was I depressed? Death, after all, was the farthest away I could get, right? Apparently, I was waiting too long to reply. Raidyn jumped in front of me and grabbed me by the shoulders, ignoring my attempts to wiggle out of his grasp. Did he not realize by now that I didn't exactly enjoy being touched? "Oh, Tai.." He said, "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't have anything to live for. Say it, and I'll believe you."

"I don't have anything to live for." I said it with a straight face, but felt guilty. Sure, it was the truth, but I wasn't really suicidal. I was just.. lost, confused, afraid.. There really wasn't a word for it. "But I don't want to kill myself." He brightened up a bit, but his expression stayed somber, "I'm just.. running away. It's what I do. Real courageous of me, huh?" He stared at me for too long, trying to tell if I was telling the truth, and ignoring my attempt to lighten up the mood.

He let go, but didn't shift his gaze. "But what are you running from?" If I was going to tell anyone, I had a feeling it would be him, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't just go around handing out tickets to my freak-show of a past.. what would he think of me then? If I had to take it with me to the grave, I would do it without a complaint. He never had to know.. I never had to tell him. The only place I was entirely safe was in my head, and I planned to keep it that way.

But I couldn't just say 'I don't want to talk about it.' He was right, he deserved answers, even if I wasn't ready to give them. I thought for a moment, a smile working it's way onto my face. What did I always do when I was stuck between a rock and a hard place? I looked him square on as I said, "You." Then I took off, sprinting down the side of the thin street we'd been walking on, with his voice echoing in my head. _What are you running from?_

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**Oh. My. Gosh. I'm sooo so so so terribly sorry! I can't believe I had such a dry spell with my writing. For months, I literally just felt like I had nothing to say. I'd sit here and sit here, but anything I managed to get down sounded horribly stupid and just felt allll wrong. ]: I'm very very sorry I haven't updated this, and hope you guys will forgive me!! **

**This one isn't what I'd like it to be, but by now I've decided that something is better than nothing at all, right? I'd love some feedback.. comments and reviews are always appreciated! If you've got suggestions or constructive criticism, or anything really, definitely mention it. **

**I know it's much much much too short, but I promise the next one is going to be a LOT longer. Since I haven't actually written in a while, I've got tons of ideas stored up for this story! I have a feeling it's going to be great. :] I'll try to get it up sometime this week!**


	9. Ouch

**Disclaimer: All werewolf&vampire stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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I don't know how long I'd been running, but I was exhausted. My feet wouldn't stop though, as if they actually knew where they were carrying me, like they had some sort of goal. I, on the other hand, was just trying to get away. From what, though? Raidyn's question nagged at me unfailingly, there whether I wanted it to be or not. Why was I still running, when I had a warm bed to sleep in, a place to eat, sleep, bathe, pretty much live, and people who seemed to actually care about me? When you put it in those words, it made no sense at all, but there was something inside me that was telling me not to stop, not to turn back. And even if it was only a small part, I didn't know what to do but listen to it.

Raidyn hadn't followed me. I was trying to tell myself that I didn't care, like that was what I wanted, but there was a tightness in my throat and my eyes stung, just like they always did before I started to cry. I mean, I had no right to think he would want to follow me, what reason had I given him to? It had been my goal to push him away, and I'd gotten my wish. A voice in the back of my head, though, was telling me I should have been more careful of what I wished for. Now I had no place to stay, no money, no way to get food, and what made my heart sink and my hope dim, no Raidyn. With a sigh, I closed my eyes, focusing on nothing in an attempt to make all the sounds around me fade away. My plan had some painful side effects, though, I noticed as I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fell face first onto the cement.

_Ouch,_ I thought, slowly sitting up to wipe my face. That didn't work as well as I would have hoped, as the blood on my hands didn't help to clean up the scratches on my face. Instead, it succeeded in smearing blood over my left cheek, making me look even more gruesome. With an aggravated groan, I wiped my hands on the jeans Nessie had lent me, knowing she'd hate me even more for doing so, then cleaned as much of the blood as I could off my face with my arm. I always did know how to make a complete fool of myself, no matter the circumstances. When I finally managed to look around me, a couple people were gathered, asking me if I was okay. I flushed immediately, embarrassed, and jumped to my feet. "I'm okay." I tried to walk off, but a hand grabbed me and spun me back around. It wasn't someone I recognized, but he looked genuinely concerned.

"Are you sure? You fell pretty hard, and you're bleeding. Maybe you should rest a while." I moaned inwardly. No. I wasn't about to let someone else give me unwanted help, especially when he looked like Raidyn, with his muscles and height and worried eyes. No way was I going to make that mistake again. I needed to get away, and fast, so I shook my head, not even bothering to give an actual reply, and jerked my arm away. Then I started to run as fast as I could away, not stopping to look back even when he called out, "Ma'am! Wait!"

It was already starting to get dark when I saw the sign for the beach, saying it was straight ahead. Perfect. I could wash up there, clean the scratches on my knees, hands, and face, and from there, I knew where to go: away, in a straight line. That was if I decided I was going to keep up the whole running thing, though it seemed like my only option at the moment. I made it to the edge of the water before stopping, letting the water lap at my toes, but going no further. I completely forgot about my face as I sunk to the earth, tired enough to sleep for days. Even so, I didn't close my eyes, instead I stared longingly at the setting sun. From here, it seemed like the sun was going around us, making its rounds then disappearing to tend to the other half of the world, but really it was the earth rotating, our own world bending itself to fit everyone's needs. It was strange how perspective worked.

Suddenly, I heard a twig crack, and jumped up instantly, wheeling around to face whoever was there. "Tai?" The voice said quietly, as if not wanting to startle me further. I relaxed, realizing I recognized it. Alex. With a long sigh, I watched as he walked towards me slowly, then froze. His eyes widened as he saw my bloody face, but instead of asking if I was okay, or offering his help, he just stood there, rooted to the spot. I'd heard of people getting sick at the sight of blood, but this was making me nervous. I heard a rumble in the distance, and turned once again, finding myself face to face with a shaking Raidyn. What was this, some kind of reunion? I took a step backward, and stumbled falling back to the ground with a thump. I looked up to see Alex still staring at me, a strange look in his eyes, and Raidyn still growling, though he glanced at me worriedly a few times.

"Back off, Alex. Get away." His voice was firm and furious, trying to make himself sound non-negotiable. What was he talking about? Who said I didn't want Alex around? I was so tired of my decisions being made for me around here. I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could, Raidyn spoke again, "I /said/ back off." Alex flinched as he took a step closer, but kept his eyes fixed on me. Did he look.. hungry? I shook the thought, and watched the scene play out before me. "Tai, you need to leave. Now." I didn't move. "/Now/, Tai." I shook my head. No way was I going to miss this. He started to shake even harder, and before I knew it, he'd grabbed Alex by the arm and was whispering something in his ear that I could barely hear, "If you don't get away from her right now, I won't kill you, but I'll make your eternity here a living hell. Got it?" And with that, Alex turned his head slowly to face him, a horrified expression clouding his eyes, and turned to run.

Raidyn turned back to me, relief and concern on his face. "What the hell happened to you? I leave you alone for an hour, and you come back with blood all over yourself?" He sighed, aggravated, "What are you doing to yourself, Tai?" My brows furrowed. Did he really think I'd done this on purpose? Honestly. It was his fault in the first place, for being too nosy and making me run off. And was he really trying to blow off that whole thing with Alex? I wasn't his, he had no right to threaten anyone because of me.

"No, the question is what the hell just happened here?" I glared at him, making my anger obvious. Maybe if I was rude enough, he'd turn me out without me having to cause hurt and leave myself. I stood up, realizing that arguing from the ground made much less of an impact. "What on earth gives you the right to barge on in here and disrupt me and my friend's conversation? Honestly, do you think you own me or something?"

He chuckled lightly, "Yeah, he looked real talkative to me." I didn't reply, only stared at him expectantly. He had to take me seriously at some point. His expression got serious suddenly as he realized I wasn't going to drop it, and he said, "Listen to me. I know Alex seems nice, but he's a very very dangerous man, and I don't want you to get caught up in anything. Please, just stay away from him, okay?" I nodded, skeptical. Nessie seemed friendly enough with him, so he couldn't be that dangerous. In fact, his whole family seemed good friends with him. Why didn't he want me near him? He interrupted my thoughts, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be secretive or anything.." That made me feel slightly guilty. He had every right to keep things from me, considering I hadn't given him anything to work with either, and didn't plan to. After dragging a hand over his face slowly, he turned to me, all traces of the vicious rage I'd seen only minutes before gone, and said, "Are you okay? What happened to you?" I could feel the meaning behind the words; he wasn't just asking about my fall.

"Do I look okay?" His eyes immediately told me he felt guilty, and I had the urge to explain. But why should I? I was planning on running off soon anyways, no reason to try and make him forgive me.. but those eyes. I couldn't let him blame himself for my stupid fall. But I wouldn't put the blame on anyone else, either. "While I was running, I fell." I'd half expected him to start laughing at my clumsiness, but his expression didn't change. "Don't worry about it, it's just a couple scratches." That didn't help either, though. He brought his hand up to wipe away some of the blood, but I flinched back. The question burned in his eyes, but he held it in, engendering my sigh of relief.

"It looks deep." He sounded slightly wounded himself, but I didn't mention it. Eventually he'd realize that it was nothing personal, touching was just a no-no. I could feel the blood trickling down one side of my face, and reached up to find the source. Before I could, he grabbed my hand, and put it back at my side, not leaving me time to yank it away. What part of no-no didn't this guy understand? I frowned, but he just shook his head, "You've got sand all over your hands. It would hurt if you touched it." Without thinking, I glanced down at my hands. He was right, that could have infected it or something. "Let's get you back and clean you up, okay? Then we can see if Carlisle needs to take a look at you again." Carlisle. That was the doctor. For the past couple of days I was stuck in a hospital, and I didn't plan to revisit it anytime soon.

He started to walk. I didn't. "No." His brows furrowed in confusion as he turned back to me. What was I saying no to? No, I wouldn't go back with him? In truth, I wanted to. I wanted to sleep in a warm bed, not on the street somewhere. I didn't want to wake up hungry, and not have anything to eat for breakfast. But then my plan to leave would go flying out the window, and I knew I wouldn't have the strength to go chasing after it if I gave in now. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, living here. There was some strange attachment; I felt connected to these people in a way that I couldn't explain. Why leave now, before I'd even gotten to know them? I would stay.. but then what would happen with Raidyn? He wanted to get close to me, I could tell, and he was trying. But I wasn't sure that's what I wanted. So maybe I wouldn't go back with him, but I'd still stay here. It seemed a fair compromise. But where else would I go? That's when I remembered the nurse's idea. Go back to Carlisle's, where he could take care of me there. He seemed like a nice enough guy, right? Raidyn couldn't refuse to let me live in the same house as a doctor. I'd be safe as anything there, which seemed to be what he wanted. It was the perfect plan.

"No.. I want to go straight to Carlisle."

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**Hey guys! I promised a chapter, and here it is (for once, haha)!! It's shorter than I would have liked, but I figure if I post a short chapter pretty often, instead of a long chapter not so often, it makes up for it, right? I've got quite a bit to stuff into the next one, though, so it should be pretty long, I hope. (:**

**Thanks for the review paramoreflames! I'm soo glad you like it! And yeah, she was trying to run from him for good, but it didn't really work, as you can see, hah. That doesn't mean she's here for good, though! It definitely will not be the last time she tries to run away, but I think she'll probably stay put for a while longer. Some pretty interesting stuff is coming up soon, so *cheesy announcer voice* stay tuned for the next chapter!**

**Reviews are always loved and appreciated and taken to heart, so why don't you click that button and leave me a quick comment? [: Thanks!**

_--megg_**  
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	10. Then Swim

**Disclaimer: All werewolfy and vampire-ish stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer, etc, etc.**

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I couldn't stop running. My feet were working separate from my mind, leading me somewhere far away so she'd be safe. I could have killed her. Sucked all the blood out of her body and watched the life seep out of her like I had done to so many others. I'd surely be kicked out of the Cullens after that, considering she was Edward's grandson's true love or whatever. All that imprint-destiny-fate thing seemed like a big hoax to me, but I wasn't about to tell them that. Not voluntarily, anyways. I mean, really, why should werewolves get it so easy, when the rest of us have to go through all the pain and difficulty of finding our soul mates ourselves? And then some never did, no matter how hard they tried. Either they let go of the person they were meant to be with, or some chance happening occurred and they never even got to meet. So why should they get to take one look at the girl, and know instantly? It was hardly fair. Then again, another part of him was saying, he saw the looks in those girls' eyes, the imprintees. It always gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, true love did exist.

If Raidyn hadn't showed, she would be dead right now, wouldn't she? She would be lifeless on that sandy beach, and the only thing I would have gotten from it was my thirst satisfied. It was so hard, not to be in control of your own body. You can fight it with everything you've got, but in the end, it's what we are. Animals. Cruel, heartless predators who care about nothing but other people's blood running through our veins, the kill, survival. In the end, that's all there was anyways. Survival. Living. It's all we can do, whether you're human or not. We just want to survive.

Fighting my instinct was the only way to win. I'd rather die than kill her. If it came down to her life or mine, I'd figure out a way to kill myself. Raidyn couldn't live without her, and he was some of the only kin left of my best friend, my brother. I didn't have a choice. And even if I had, I don't think _I_ could live without her either. I hadn't a clue why, or what was going on, but from that first night where she fainted in front of me, I wanted to wake her up. When she had sobbed relentlessly on that bed, I'd wanted more than anything to know, to be able to help her. But I couldn't. And that was what got me, that for once, I didn't know exactly what it was I needed to say, to do, to fix her.

But if I couldn't fix her, what was the point? That was all I wanted, right? To fix her. To make her better, for Raidyn.. Even as the thought fluttered around in my head, I knew I was lying. She intrigued me, made me want to know more. I didn't get that feeling with just anyone. In fact, I hadn't felt that feeling since 1929, and that was a very, very long time ago. A deep frown enveloped my features as I realized that there was no way this could end well, and maybe not just for me.

I stopped suddenly, looking around. Of course, I'd run in a complete circle, ending up right on the edge of the cliff that the pack always dived off. I had half a mind to keep running, sink to the bottom of the ocean and stay there for the rest of forever, but reconsidered and figured that maybe people would wonder where I was. And even if they didn't, I was sure there was more interesting places to run to than miles below the water-level. With a sigh, I ran my hand through my hair and sat down, legs hanging off the edge of the rock.

I could remember a time when doing this would have sent a thrill through my heart, the sense of danger overwhelming me. That achy feeling I always used to get when I was torn between doing what was safe, staying on the cliff, and doing what I wanted, flying through the air until I hit the water with a splash. The worst part of it all was, though, that I could remember in the first place. The moment you're turned, you earn the right to only know what you've been since that day. You don't need to carry around the baggage, to feel guilty for what's in your nature. But of course, luckily enough, my memory, my past in general, was my strongest quality, and so I brought everything with me.

That, and every other person's past as well. Just one touch, shoulders brushing as I walk by someone, the pat of a hand on my back, and I was living someone else's life. It was hardly fair that not only did I have to think about everything that had happened to me, all the pain I'd gone through, but I had to remember everyone else's memories too. Sure, after a glimpse or two, I could usually pull myself out of the trance, but it was exhausting and much more difficult than it would seem. It wasn't usually a power that I wanted.

'Power'. After all these years, the word still bothered me. Like I was some superhero, heading out to save the world from the many evils that haunted it. But no, I _was_ the evils that haunted it, not the other way around. I was the villain who caused the deaths of too many innocent people, people who'd done nothing bad enough to deserve to die. But it wasn't something I could help.

Maybe that's how it was for villains. They soaked up good like I did blood, feeding off of it and turning it into more fuel for their horrid minds. I didn't want to be the bad guy. I wanted to be the guy with the 'S' on his chest, the one who swooped in, saved the town, the girl, and swept her off her feet in the process. Of course, normal superheroes didn't have a vampire best friend with a werewolf grandson the same physical age as him, who happened to be in love with the damsel in distress. Life just wasn't as good as all those comic books and cartoons.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Bella come up and sit beside me, until she spoke, "Anybody in there?" Her voice was gentle, like always. She was the only other person I knew of that I couldn't get through to, and at times I was grateful for that. I didn't have to stay away from her, so that I could focus on whatever it was I was saying. I shot her a half-hearted smile and turned my head back out over the water. "Raidyn told me about what happened with you and Tai. On the beach." A statement. For now, I didn't have to say anything. Oh, but I knew that wouldn't last. "I'd like to hear your side of it."

Well, it wasn't like I had much of a choice. Tell her now, or let Edward find out the whole story later. "I was just walking on the beach. Then she.. was there. Her face was all bloody, so was the rest of her." The smell of it filled my nostrils once again, and a longing opened up once again inside me. The scariest part was, I wasn't sure which kind it was. "I wanted to help her, Bella, but I couldn't. All I could do was stand there like an idiot, staring at her like she was something to eat. I could have killed her." She just stared at me, with those big nonjudgmental eyes. It was nice to have a sane one in the family. "If Raidyn hadn't shown up, I don't know what would have happened."

"I do." She said quickly, before I could get another word it. "You wouldn't have hurt her." I knew she was right, but I didn't want to admit it. The way she could read people, you'd swear it was her with the mind-reading power, not Edward. I shook my head, as if to say 'You can't know that,' but she wasn't having it. "Stop pretending. I'm not falling for it. You couldn't have hurt her, not even if she smelled like the best thing in the world. I've seen that look in your eyes before." Oh great, here comes the mushy gushy stuff. Did I really have to listen to this? I'd lived it, for God's sake. There was no need for a replay.

"This is nothing like you and Edward." She gave me a look. Ugh. "With you and him, you're only problem was the vampire wants human in more ways than one thing. Your best friend's grandkid didn't imprint on Edward." Their _only_ problem. That made it seem small. I thought back to all the things that they had gone through, and decided that maybe Tai wasn't even worth it. After all, I didn't really even know her. "I know, I've practically lived it. And even if I did like her," the words sounded awkward coming from me. I was nearly a hundred years old, and I'd just implied that I had a 'crush' on someone, but I guess that comes with being stuck in a eighteen year old's body for such a long time; you almost start to believe you are one, "there is no way I'd screw up anything I've got with you guys, or the little I've got with Raidyn, even, for some human girl I don't even know." She nodded, like this made sense, but I knew she still had her doubts. Of course she did, and she had every right to. After all, I was the new guy who still ate people for breakfast occasionally.

"But you wouldn't have hurt her, right?" I thought about this, about how every muscle in my body had turned on my heart and my brain, screaming at me to run over there and snap her neck before she could even feel it, to suck out the rest of that delicious.. No. Just the thought of it made me feel sick, like I wanted to barf. Then I remembered my brain exhausting itself with holding me back, and the way my heart nearly started beating again once I got away from there, Tai fully intact. I shook my head. I couldn't hurt her if I wanted to. "Then it won't be a problem that she's staying with us."

This was not a question. There was no inclination of tone at the end of the sentence. This was a decided matter. Tai was going to be in our house, tempting me like no other human could, and no one was going to do anything to stop it. "Are you trying to kill her?" They must have been. No one was that stupid, especially not Edward. Unless he'd already seen inside my head, and though he was probably really pissed, knew that I would never let anything harm her, let alone harm her with my own hands. Bella just stared at me, as if expecting something else. "When?" It was a whisper, as if I could keep it quiet, it really wasn't happening.

"It was her own wish. Raidyn said she told him it was the only way she'd stay put." Had that been what she was doing, trying to run away? Then what had happened to her face? "He didn't want to put her in a house full of 'leeches' but he needs her to stay. He needs her, Alex, enough to put her in your hands, hands, which frankly, he thinks could easily kill her. You can't take her away from him, either way, and you know it." I nodded, feeling like someone who'd just been knighted, or maybe a kindergartner who was being scolded. "She'll stay with us tonight. I'd advise you to make a bed up in your room for her." _My_ room? What was with these people, trying to indirectly murder an innocent girl. "Oh, you won't be in there, idiot. Yours is just the biggest. Raidyn insisted." Of course he did. That stupid boy was going to get her killed before he could say 'I hate vampires'.

My voice seemed to stop working, and I didn't say anything. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I stood up and started to walk away slowly. It was unusual for me not to run, but once again my legs were working separate from my head, or maybe they knew that I needed time to think, so they were going to make the journey back a long one. Tai, in my house, in my room, surrounded by my stuff. Maybe, after a little bit, she'd start to smell more like a vampire and less like herself. It could work. Or maybe I could just leave, run up to anchorage and stay there for a while. Tanya was probably still hanging around, and from Edward's few memories of her, she could be pretty fun to be around.

No matter how many thoughts ran through my mind, I knew I couldn't run away. I'd done it all my life, and enough was enough. This time, I was going to face it and get over it, instead of sprinting into the distance like some cowardly fool. Sure, the people (and vampires/werewolves) here were probably better off without me, but how could I leave, when I'd already set up a life for myself here? It sucked, no pun intended, to have her come in right after I was just finished getting settled in and was actually happy with my life. God was throwing me another curve ball, just waiting to see if I'd hit or miss. The only problem was, I didn't know which way to swing.

After a while of walking, I sped up, needing to get back before she got there to prepare a little bit. It would be best if I could get the room set up, let her get settled in, then leave. At least for the first night, I didn't want to be around her, just in case she got hurt or worried, especially since the first time she saw me she went out cold. No need for a replay of that, right? With a sigh, I stepped through the doorway of the house, and made quick work of getting the bed placed right, and putting the purple sheets and comforter that Alice must have picked up onto the bed. Not even five minutes after I was done, the doorbell let out a soft whine, like a loyal guard dog letting us know that someone had arrived at our house.

Downstairs, where I was in a flash, she'd already been let in and was looking uncomfortable, a polite smile plastered to her face. She looked around, as if trying to remember who was who, and who she hadn't met before. The others invited her in to sit down on the soft couch in the living room, and introduced themselves. I, on the other hand, stood by the doorway and waited patiently until it was my turn. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Edward, Bella.. "And you already know I'm Alex." I smiled, watching the blood rush to her face as she remembered the last time we'd met. I stopped breathing. Was I really supposed to live with this urge, no, need, for however long she wanted to stay? "Good luck getting settled in," I said, turning to leave.

Her gentle, timid voice stopped me. "You aren't going to stay?" She asked, the first time she'd spoken since she came in. I turned around, wanting to shake my head, but it almost sounded like she didn't want me to leave. How could I turn her down, if she wanted me here? Then again, it was for her own safety. She'd thank me for it later. I shook my head, putting an abrupt end to the debate in my mind; no, I was not going to stay. "Oh," She said, looking down at her hands as if she was disappointed.

Edward shot me a look that said 'you're treading on thin ice', as I changed my mind. "On second thought, why don't I hang around a bit longer?" Her eyes brightened at the words, and I ignored my friend and brother's death glare as I continued to stand in the doorway. _It's your fault she's here in the first place, for telling Bells that I'd be fine. So what's your problem?_ I thought, knowing he was listening intently. The glare didn't cease, so I took a different approach, _Listen, Edward, you can see in my head, right? So you know I couldn't hurt her if I tried._ Maybe he wasn't mad about that, _and I'm not going to attempt to steal her away from your grandson, okay? I get the whole imprint thing, I wouldn't dare take that away from them._ After years of living with him, it had gotten easier and easier to lie with my head, only let him see the parts I wanted him to see. Hopefully it would work this time, as well.

"Okay," She said happily, standing up, "do I get a tour of the house, or something?"

And she did. We showed her around, talked her to death, even made her dinner, explaining that it was tradition for us to eat very early, so we weren't hungry. And it went well, though I did have to hold my breath quite a few times in an attempt to block out the blindingly tempting smell. But it wasn't just her scent that drew me toward her. It was her laugh, the way it seemed to trickle over me like the sound of a creek. And the ugly white flourescent light that danced over her skin, how even in it she looked as beautiful as any vampire. It was the little nods she'd give as Carlisle spoke, her thin arms snaking around her waist insecurely, though she had no reason to be. And how her dark hair was tied up into a pony tail, but there were little rebel strands that hung about her face just right. And that was just the beginning.

After what seemed like hours, though in reality was probably only one or two, she finally asked if she could go to bed. I was elected to show her to her room, as it was really my room, and make sure she was okay with the whole thing. They really were testing my strength and will-power, but I didn't protest. I could do it, and if I had to prove it to them, then so be it. "Okay, come on, you're room's up here." We walked in silence, though it wasn't awkward like it could have been, at least not to me. Once she was inside and started to get comfortable, I decided to leave.

Once again, though, her shy call made me turn back, "Hey, Alex?" I peeked around the side of the door, a questioning look embracing my expression, "I'm sorry if I'm imposing on your family or something. I mean, I don't have to stay here if you don't want me to.. I just thought it would be easier, not that I don't like Raidyn.. I just mean.." She was stuttering now, "Okay, so what I'm trying to say is that if you want me to leave, just say so, and I'll be out the door before you can say 'hurry up', okay?" I couldn't help but smile at her, the totally unreasonable insecurity was adorable. It was unsettling, the way she was opening up a place in my heart that I didn't even know existed.

"Don't worry," I said, but paused before I could finish. If I wanted to, I could tell her to go, and there would be no more problem. Then again, it would prove to Edward and the rest of them that I really was as weak as I seemed, so it was hardly even an option, right? Plus, even though she'd only been here a couple hours, it was nice having her around, "we're really glad you're here. Anything for a.. friend of Raidyn's." She shot me a smile, and after returning it, I turned and walked back downstairs, planning to leave now that she was settled. Everyone else was already going about their business, smiling at me as I walked past. Was this really no big deal to them? They'd all mastered their thirst long ago. I, on the other hand, hadn't even made it a year 'dry' yet.

I thought it would be easy; she was asleep, no reason for me to go back, but as I was walking away, I heard soft cries. I'm sure the others did too, right? They'd deal with it. But for a reason that escaped me, something that seemed to be happening a lot lately, I turned around anyways and climbed the tree outside her - or technically my - open window. She was asleep, but restless. Tossing and turning and squirming under the too-happy purple blanket, she would whimper every once and a while as well. After a couple of minutes of watching her from afar, I crawled into the room and sat in the big soft chair that was usually the only piece of comfort furniture in the room, until a human began to occupy it. My eyes didn't leave her for a moment. I thought about waking her up, telling her it would be okay, but I had a feeling she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep.. and in my experience, fitful sleep was definitely better than no sleep at all. That was until I saw that she was crying.

It broke my heart, seeing the tears stream down her face. What kind of life she must have had, to be haunted with sorrow in dreams as well as conciousness? She continued to toss and turn, her crying grew into sobs and she started to talk as well. Nothing coherent, necessarily, but things like "Dad, no" and names: Johnny, Terra, mom, dad.. Alex. The worst part was that when she said my name, the tears came harder, not softer. How was I causing her pain, without even knowing it? Maybe it had something to do with her asking me to close my eyes, how she couldn't look at me without wincing. The thought made me feel guilty, though I knew there was nothing I could do about it. As the sobs became louder and stronger, I decided to test my luck and scoot the chair, to see if she'd wake up.

Suddenly, she flew into a sitting position. If I hadn't been a vampire with the quickest reflexes out of any predator on earth, I probably would have jumped three feet into the air. As it was, I just scooted my chair back a little, though not for the reason I first had. I wanted to hide myself, back far enough into the corner that I'd disappear with the shadows. She'd think I was spying on her or something, which I guess I was, but that's not how I wanted her to think of me. Her eyes grew wide as she heard the noise my chair made and she looked around the room wildly before settling on me, murmuring something and falling back into her pillows. "Sorry," I muttered, trying to be quiet. It wasn't as if she was still asleep, but if Edward knew I was up here, he could very well kill me. As it was, he was off with Bella and Carlisle hunting, or something. Still, no point in being careless. "I didn't mean to wake you.. I just.." I trailed off. What was I supposed to say? I heard you talking and wanted to listen to what you had to say? You couldn't sleep, so I came in here to watch you? Or, even better, this is all a dream, you won't even remember it when you wake up tomorrow. Leaning forward on the edge of the seat, I said, "I heard you crying, talking, so I came in here to see if you were okay." Her eyes grew even wider, if that was possible, and she looked as if she'd seen a ghost. Crap. I always said the wrong thing. As she shut her eyes tightly, I decided to push my luck. After all, I'd already started digging the hole, why not finish it? It's not like I had anything to lose, "Are you?" After a moment of silence, I added, "Okay, I mean. Are you okay?"

She opened her eyes and stared at me, tears dripping down her cheeks. I wanted to wipe them away, tell her it was going to be alright, but knew she wouldn't want me to. Her scent suddenly grew very strong, and I noticed it for the first time. My breathing cut off, but I didn't make a move toward the door. Finally, in a voice so soft I could barely hear it, even with my extremely sensitive ears, she replied, "No." I could have given her an encouraging smile, a pat on the back, a few words that could have acted as a bandaid, but instead, I climbed swiftly onto the bed next to Tai and wrapped myself around her, holding her tightly even when she tried to squirm away. After a couple seconds of resistance, she leaned into me and started to sob harder than I'd seen anyone sob before.

In that moment, I caught a glimpse of what had the rest of my family dumbfounded. They couldn't imagine something that could be so horrible that she'd block it out from the rest of the world, as well as herself. Carlisle had mentioned some kind of disorder where they put up a 'wall' in their heads, but to do that, you have to go through some terrifying traumatic event. But as the scene played out before me, I knew that it had nothing to do with science, and everything to do with Tai herself.

_I could see shelves that seemed to tower above her, filled with candies and bags of chips. There was already a small bottle of pills in her small hand, and after a quick look around to make sure no one was watching, she stuffed it into the big pocket of her sweatshirt, where it joined the packet of tissues and the bag of chex-mix. Her father was feeling sick, something that was happening much too often at the time. They'd run out of tylenol for his headaches, and so she'd been sent to snatch from from a local convenient store, along with a few other necessities. Being more clever than the average shop-lifter, she'd come into the store already loaded down with trinkets, and made sure that the guy at the counter had seen her full pocket before she started to look around, emptying her stash into the closest trash can in order to fill up on what she needed._

_Now she was standing in the aisle fllled with candy of all shapes and sizes, hoping to get something for her little sister who'd just started eating hard food a few months ago, let her taste the deliciousness of a gummy worm or suck on a piece of chocolate. Getting candy was rare for them, but she figured her mother would allow it this one time, what with her reason for bringing it back being a selfless one. Finally, she was ready to leave the store, but as she peeked around the corner to make sure that the coast was clear, she noticed that the man at the counter wasn't the same one that had been there when she walked it. Great, that was just her luck. I could feel her fear and the internal debate as she decided whether she she turn around and put everything back, ensuring the disappointment of her family when she returned, or if she should act casual and hope the guy was as stupid as he looked and wouldn't notice a thing. Settling on taking her chances, she stuffed her hands in the pocket and started walking toward the door, thoughts racing through her head. She was just a little kid, the guy couldn't be that suspicious of her. And after all, she was probably faster than him, so if she needed to make a break for it she might just get away in time. She was almost out the door when she heard a voice, "Young lady, what do you have in your pockets there?" She almost didn't turn around, but changed her mind. She could talk her way out of this one, if she tried hard enough._

_"Me?" She said casually, as if she'd done nothing wrong. If anything, she was a good actor. The clerk nodded, and she made sure the look on her face was innocent as she said, "A bunch of used up tissue paper. I have a cold, and my mommy said that I shouldn't waste, so I've been using some of them over again. Mommy says it will make the earth live longer," She paused, cocking her head a little bit to the side, "Did you know that the earth could die?" I could feel her surprise with the confidence she had in the role she was playing. Her mom was a freak about the whole preserving mother earth thing, but she had long since stopped calling her mommy, and she couldn't even a remember a time when she was as innocent as she was acting. She was introduced to the pain of life early on, no matter how much effort her parents put into shielding her from it. The man shot her a smile, as if saying 'sure, go on ahead, so she started to turn around, pulling a hand out of her pocket to wave goodbye. Unfortunately, her sleeve caught on the edge of the hershey bar she'd taken for Terra, and it fell to the ground with a thump that seemed louder to her than anyone else._

_The man, who's nametag read 'Jeff', clambered out from behind the counter. Things seemed to move in slow motion, and happen all at once. As she started running, blood pumping through her veins quickly, fear tried to close up her throat and bring tears to her eyes. She shoved it aside, behind the wall she'd carefully built for this exact purpose. Fear wasn't helpful at all, and without it, she was able to think clearly and come up with ways out of whatever she'd gotten herself into. Instead, she thought about how all people who worked at gas stations had such common names. Jeff, Joe, Billy, Fred, Bob, etc. And don't forget the girl's: Amanda, Christina, Chelsea, Megan, all of them were so boring. It would make her day if she could come into one and see someone named Chevas, Ainsley, Tiger, Moon, something totally strange that no one's ever heard of before. Behind her, she could hear Boring Jeff's voice calling out to her, trying to get her to stop. Even more unsettling, she heard another voice as well. "Miss! I'm a police officer. Turn around right this second, or believe me, you're going to regret it." Great, in the time that she was in the store a police man must have driven up to get some coffee or something. Today was just not her day, not at all. Part of her was telling her to give herself up, turn around and let him cuff her or whatever, before he took drastic measures. Then again, would he really pull a gun on someone so little? She doubted it._

_Keeping this in mind, she kept running as fast as she could, ignoring the siren as the police man climbed into his car to catch up to her faster. If he was going to cheat, so was she. She reached the edge of the forest in no time flat, veering off the road and into the safety of the trees. From what she knew, police men generally weren't agile enough to maneuver through the woods like a child could, especially not when they were in their cars. With a grin, she went deeper into the heart of the jungle, the familiar terrain comforting her slightly. Finally feeling as if she was far enough it that no one could find her, she climbed the sturdiest tree she could find, sitting on a large branch with her back against the trunk and her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. After a few moments of breathing deeply to calm herself and letting her heartbeat get back to a normal speed, she could feel the pure fear of what had just happened creeping onto her, tightening her throat and filling her eyes. And then she started to cry. Not the silent kind that she normally did when no one was looking, the kind where she could hardly breathe, and she could feel her heart shattering into a million pieces, and it felt as if the sorrow inside her was churning, ripping at her soul before it poured out of her eyes._

The memory left me breathless. It was just a little piece, but it had told me more than enough to make me feel guilty, like I'd been eavesdropping on an important, private conversation. That little girl, Tai, she couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old. Why a parent would let their child wander around alone, at night, let alone _tell them_ to shoplift, I hadn't a clue. Her family, her life, what had been going on that she had to steal something as cheap as Tylenol and a candy bar? I'd done my fair share of crime, but only if it was absolutely necessary, and I couldn't imagine anything but this being the case with her. Maybe that's why she had been so thin. I found myself longing to know more about her, though nothing came, like an alcoholic taking a sip of beer then having someone take it and dump it down the drain.

She was quiet now, breathing evenly and leaning into me as if she had fit there her whole life. I breathed in her scent deeply, an overwhelming urge to bite into her grabbing me, but I managed to resist. It was getting easier, at least a little bit. I'd always been good at controlling myself, one of those traits from my human life that had been taken with me and strengthened, and I hoped it would be the case with her, once I got a little more used to having her around.

After a while I thought she was completely asleep, but I still whispered soothing words in her ear, just in case, though I didn't know whether I was trying to comfort the present-Tai or the Tai that I'd just witnessed sobbing in that tree. She surprised me, something that didn't happen very often, when she whispered, "It's so hard to breathe." I loosened my hold on her, thinking at first that she was talking about me suffocating her, but she reached up and grabbed onto my arms, pulling them tighter once again. Her touch sent a shiver down my spine, and I leaned down to kiss her hair softly, understanding. She meant she felt like she was at the bottom of the ocean, the weight of millions of tons of water pushing against her, trying to break her. Somehow, though, she stayed strong. As if she could read my mind, she added, "I think I'm drowning."

I thought about this for a moment. hesitating. The answer seemed so simple, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. "Then swim," I breathed, so softly I wondered if she could even hear. As she pushed herself closer to me, though, as if she thought I would let go, I was sure that she had. It was more complicated than that, even with the little knowledge that I'd acquired, I knew that. She might be able to get herself up, and push off the sandy floor, but paddling toward the surface would be difficult, a task that could only be completed by someone determined enough to move mountains. For now, though, it seemed to be a good enough answer. She sighed lightly and curled up into a ball, closing her eyes to finally get a good night's sleep.

* * *

**once again, I'm real sorry this is late. seems like I'm saying sorry for something every time I post a chapter, doesn't it? hah. well anyways, I really am going to try and get these up more often, now that school's out and I'm not swamped by homework and all the crap that comes with the school year. don't you just love summer? (: two months of freedom almost makes the ten months of school worth it, don't you think?**

**anyways, it's from a different point of view this time! in the beginning, I was sort of thinking that I'd just stick with Tai's POV, but then I decided where alex was gonna go in the story, and thought 'hmm, maybe he should get a say in things too'. plus, I couldn't really think of anything for Tai and Raidyn at the very moment I sat down and decided to write, so Alex sorta popped into my head instead. and my sister, who's been reading the chapters before I post them, kind of loves alex, so yeah. (bytheway, she has her own story, and you should go read it. :] she's lonerlullaby, and her story's 'immortal fire'.. yeah, do that.) I hope you guys like this! if you think the different POVs thing is bad, review and tell me and I might just stop, depending. and if you think it's good, review too! or, if you really just don't care, you can still review and tell me so, cause it would make me really happy. :]**

_--megg_


	11. La Push High

**DISCLAIMER: All twilight-ish stuff belongs to stephenie meyer, blahhh blahhh blah.**

* * *

He'd said yes.

It didn't really matter to me that I had won, that I'd gotten what I'd wished for. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if this _was_ what I wanted. Raidyn was comforting; the way I felt around him, it was the same feeling I got on a cold day, sitting in front of a fire with a blanket wrapped around me, except amplified. On the other hand, just being around the Cullens made me nervous; they literally sent a chill down my spine, and not in a good way. But it wasn't like I had much of an option. Unless I wanted to encourage Raidyn to think I was even more screwed up than he already knew I was - which could lead to him kicking me out - I'd have to spend my nights away from him. It was for his own good, really, so he'd never have to see me wake up from my nightmares with a cold sheen of sweat covering my body, or listen to me crying in my sleep and wonder whether he should let me suffer through the sleep that so rarely came to me, or wake me so that I would stop hurting. Then again, I was always in pain, asleep or awake. After what he was doing for me, there was no way I could let him see me like that.

I had expected him to put up a struggle, go down kicking and fighting, but he'd let me go almost too easily. These were his enemies, the kind that made your hair stand on end, he should have been furious, or at least a little bit mad. Instead, he'd just stared at me for a minute, shock displayed like an advertisement on his face. After three flat out 'no's, he'd given in and said okay. Okay, I could stay with his worst enemies, and okay, I could stab him in the back; pulling the knife out couldn't hurt so bad. Of course, he hadn't said those exact words, but I could see it in his pleading eyes as he acquiesced, and again when he dropped me off. "Okay," he'd said, "call me as soon as you get settled in. And be careful, alright?" I'd nodded, gently pulling my hand away as he tried to give it a supportive squeeze. Even if he was sweet and bending over backwards to accommodate me, I still couldn't give him anything of myself. Not yet, anyways. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted to do, but no matter how kind he was, there were things he didn't know about me, things that I was trying hard to forget, or better, erase.

But it wasn't that easy. They haunt me even now, as I sit against the window seat in my new bedroom, staring at the droplets of water that furiously pelted the ground. Why did rain represent sadness? To me, especially at the moment, it looked more like pure anger. The sky wasn't just falling; it was hurling itself toward the earth in some sort of mad plot for revenge. To me, it didn't look like the world was crying; it looked like the earth was at war with the sky. With a sigh, I picked at a button on the cushion I was sitting on. This arrangement hadn't been going well so far. Or it had, depending on the way you looked at it. Last night, I'd awoken from a nightmare to find Alex in my, or actually, his room, watching me. It would have been creepy, except for the dream had been a thousand times worse and they sort of cancelled each other out so that seeing him was, in fact, a relief, even with his familiarly mysterious eyes.

He'd asked if I was okay. At that moment, I'd wondered what in God's name was going through his mind. Had I looked okay, with tears obviously streaming down my face and shaking like I was in the worst snowstorm of the year? No, but he'd asked anyways. Now that I was thinking about it, he could have been trying to get something out of me for Raidyn, but I pushed the idea away quickly. Alex wasn't that kind of guy... he seemed more solitary, and anyways, they didn't get along too well. But he couldn't have just been there because he'd wanted to comfort me. People didn't do that for me, because usually I didn't deserve it. And if I were to be honest, then I'd agree with them.

So why had I said no? I could have just written it off as an average nightmare, something that happened every once and a while to everyone. To make myself feel better, I told myself it was because he would eventually hear me anyways. And sobbing every night, waking up with screams? It was going raise a bit of suspicion. At least Alex wasn't likely to go tell Raidyn about my little episodes... if he did, I didn't know what I'd do. But even with all I was doing to explain it away, there was something off. He'd been the first person to actually try to help me, despite my wishes. There would be no wallowing around him; then again, I didn't have much self-pity in the first place.

Suddenly, the door opened, and I turned around quickly to see who it was. I'd been expecting Alex to be the one standing in the doorway, but to my surprise, it was Carlisle. "Hey, Doc." I muttered, swiveling my head to look back out at the rain. It had quieted down a bit, but was still steadily hitting the ground. Apparently, it did this a lot here. I liked water, so this wasn't a big deal for me, but to most it probably got annoying. "Beautiful day, isn't it?" Sarcasm made my voice cold as I spoke, "I hear this doesn't ever stop."

He chuckled softly, "No, not really. You get used to it, though." You can get used to anything, if it goes on for long enough. Whether it's the absence or presence of something, after a while, it becomes background music rather than your favorite song. "Are you alright?" It was strange how often you got asked that question when it was obvious that you weren't. When people know something's wrong, but aren't comfortable with actually trying to comfort someone, they ask in hopes that the person will say 'yeah, I'm fine' so that their own lives won't be complicated, yet they feel like they've at least tried. But that's just my opinion.

I'd give him what he wanted, "I'm fine," I said quietly. It was slightly funny to me, that he was eighth or so person to ask me this today. The smile was wiped off my face, though, as I realized Alex was the only one I'd told the truth. "Um, do you need something?" I looked back toward him. Pushy or rude was the last thing I wanted to be, but someone as busy as Carlisle wouldn't just come in here to talk about the weather.

He nodded, his eyes warm and encouraging, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something." I let my eyes shift to the window for a moment before returning to his face. Part of me wanted to tell him I wasn't in the mood to talk now, but the more polite, and right, side told me to hold my tongue and listen up. I was, after all, a guest. "I'm sure Raidyn will want to talk to you about this as well, but I just thought I'd give you the facts before hand," I closed my eyes for a moment and prayed that this wouldn't be about those tests he wanted to run on my heart. It wasn't something I was looking forward to. "It's about school." My eyes flew open. School? I hadn't been to school a day in my life, and in all honesty, I hadn't been planning on starting.

According to my mother, I was ahead of your average tenth grader, even though I should only be in ninth grade. I'd read the full chemistry textbook, and though I hadn't exactly been able to carry out the experiments, I got the gist of it. I'd gotten half way through algebra two before... I knew most of it, anyways. I'd read almost every Shakespeare book (I could never get through the history ones), some Jane Austen, Mark Twain, a few good poetry books, and many, many others thanks to... well, when you didn't actually have anything to do during the day, and you could hardly sleep at night, you had enough free time on your hands to read pretty much anything. As for Geography, with my parents being such travel nuts, I'd been staring at the world atlas since I was about seven. I could name all the capitals of the US in less than a minute. I was already almost finished with US history, and my world history textbook had been the most interesting thing I'd had to read until Johnny came along.. The slip-up had me gasping for air, but I shook it off quickly and stared at Carlisle, focusing on the words coming out of my mouth, "I don't really think that will be necessary," I murmured, feeling my heart tear just a little bit more.

He studied me for a moment before speaking. "Now, I'm not sure where you're from, but education around here is very important. It's definitely necessary." I sighed, knowing that nothing was going to get me out of this one. I nodded, acquiescing, "Raidyn told me that you were around fifteen, so you'd be in ninth grade. Is that alright?" I wondered whether I should tell him that I was smarter than that, or play stupid so that the whole school thing might be a little bit easier. "...You have been to school, right? You know how to read and write, multiply, all that?" Smiling, I nodded. Pretending to be dumber than I was wouldn't be so hard. "So, ninth grade it is?" After deliberating for a moment, I nodded again, one of my rare, small grins plastered to my face. Why not? He smiled half-heartedly, as if he didn't get the joke, and continued, "Okay, so now that that's settled, we can talk about which school you'll be going to."

_Which school?_ I repeated mentally, trying to figure his statement out. This was an extremely small town. Now, I'd never been familiar with what went on in cities, but it didn't seem logical to have two schools somewhere where there were hardly enough kids to fill the first. "There's more than one?" I shot him a quizzical look, and then jumped as Alice appeared in the doorway out of what seemed like nowhere. She smiled and waved; walking in a pained, deliberate fashion out of sight. This was such a weird family... and that was saying something, coming from me.

"Yes, one on the reservation, and one here in Forks," I didn't reply. Raidyn was obviously part of the reservation, meaning he went to school on the reservation... but here in Forks was probably where Carlisle's kids went to school, seeing as they lived here. "Academics-wise, Forks is probably better. The school on the reservation is more focused on the legends of the tribe. It's not a bad school, but most kids there aren't planning to leave. Raidyn will be going there, and everyone here will be going to Forks High, so you'll know people whichever place you choose." this confirmed my assumption... but did he really think it mattered if I knew someone? Alone was my thing... friends seemed to evade me. "Now, let me warn you. Raidyn wants you to go to the reservation school. Of course, he's going to say that he wants what's best for you, but he really would like you there with him. If you could consider that when you're deciding..." He left his sentenced unfinished, assuming that I would know what he meant. This guy liked to assume.

He stopped talking for a moment, staring at his hands. So based on what he'd told me so far, it seemed as if he wanted me to pick the reservation. Why were these people trying to shove Raidyn and me together? Sure, he'd found me and all, and was being really nice and helpful, but I couldn't imagine he'd want to be stuck with the weird new kid. If I were him, I'd probably be pissed if I knew Carlisle was encouraging me to join him in his school. He'd grown up there, gone there his entire life... everyone there had. He probably had a ton of friends, his own little niche, and definitely had a girlfriend (though maybe not for long). Who was I to encroach on his personal space, his life? "You're saying I should go to the reservation school." I stated, studying him curiously. It wasn't a question; we both knew that he was.

"Not necessarily," he said quickly, jerking his head to look me in the eye. "I just want you to know that even if he says he doesn't care, he does." The rain pounded harder and harder on the roof and window, blowing sideways now, as if it was desperately trying to get somewhere. Unfortunately, gravity wasn't on its side, and each raindrop became part of the many puddles scattered across the ground, without a choice in the matter at all. Kind of like me.

"But _why?_" He shouldn't care; it didn't make any sense. We didn't even know each other, and for some reason everything he did was in some way related to me, helping me, looking out for me. I hadn't asked for him to come into my life and try and fix everything. To be perfectly honest, my life was probably too broken to be fixed at all, anyways. Why was he trying?

"I..." He trailed off, and I didn't know whether it was because he was trying to think up a lie or trying to find a way to put the truth. Maybe a little bit of both. After a moment of torturous silence, he simply said, "He's a good guy." Yeah, whatever. That obviously didn't even begin to cover it, but I decided not to press; after all, I was the guest.

"Okay." I said quietly, my eyes downcast. He sat there awkwardly. What was he expecting from me now? "Um, I don't have to pick right this second, do I?" He shook his head quickly, standing up as if to leave. _Finally_, I thought. I had always liked being alone more than being with other people, and now was no exception. "Well, I guess I'll-" my farewell was cut off by yet another voice.

"Hey Tai!" It said, much too cheerily for my liking, as Alice into the room and handing me a fancy-looking cell phone. "I got you this. They're the best out there. Thought you might need it, just in case." I frowned. Them opening their home to me was bad enough, but giving me expensive gifts? I couldn't accept things like this. Before I could open my mouth to protest, though, Alice was talking again, "Don't bother, I'm not going to take it back. Plus, Raidyn's about to... I mean, he could call you at any second." The phone rang, illustrating her words, "Well, look at that! Come on, Carlisle, I've got something to show you." They both got up abruptly and walked away, shutting the door behind them and leaving me with the wailing piece of metal. I'd had a phone before; I knew what to do...

"Hello?" I muttered after clicking the 'talk' button on the touch screen of the phone. It really was high-tech.

"Tai?" The voice on the other end came through as clear as a bell, "Hey, it's Raidyn." It sounded like he was standing next to me, and I could practically see the unenthusiastic look on his face. Something was wrong.

"Are you alright?" It was silent for a moment. Either he was thinking, or nodding and forgetting that I couldn't actually see him. I wouldn't be surprised… the little phone did make it sound as if I could.

"Sure, sure. I'm fine. Just.. you know," He said, and I knew immediately. The girlfriend; something had happened with her. He confirmed my suspicion. "Girl troubles. It's no big deal, though. How about you?" I opened my mouth to reply, but he interrupted before I could, "We've got to talk. You want to come back up to La Push for the day?" Once again, he didn't wait for me to answer, "Or I could go up there, if you want. Whatever's good with me." He sounded nervous… was it about the school thing? This must have been a bigger deal than I had thought.

"Um, I guess I can come down there." Right then, I decided. "Carlisle talked to me about schools today." Who cared about academics? I'd never had any plans for my life, anyways. If I had to, I'd shoplift to survive, work at some fast food joint, whatever. Material things had never been important to me. Raidyn seemed to really want me to put on a backpack and trail along after him to school. I could practically see his clammy hand gripping the phone, and if it meant so much to him and not so much to me, what did it matter? "Would you mind if I went to La Push High? With you?"

The smile on his face was apparent in his voice, "What? Really? I mean, you don't have to," he said quickly, "You should think about it more, you should. Unless you're sure… but this is a big decision, it's like, huge. You should think about it." I could feel the too-familiar grin slide across my face as he stumbled over his words.

"No, I'm positive. I want to go with you." And at that moment, I was thinking that school might not be so bad. It was the first time in a long time that I'd let myself get my hopes up, and however shattered they might become, hearing Raidyn's laugh made it worth it.

* * *

**hey there! i know it's been forever, but this is a decent chapter to make up for it, right? i'm really sorry, again. you know how it is, with school and everything. it eats you alive.**

**anyways, finally bringing in the school! this should be fun. (: you guys are gonna love it, i bet. or hope. but whatever, kay? just read, review, and all that fun stuff! if you do, i'll be the happiest person in the whole world. thankss. 3**

_--megg,_


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